New dawn

My beloved Alexandria at dawn

Once…I was told that with every new breath we take there’s a new chance and a new door opened for us and a new dawn declaring a new start of something amazing waiting for us to decide upon embracing.

And I always believe what i am told by that person…

yet…I never saw and realized the crack of dawn holding a promise…

What would a new day hold for me, I would ask myself? as days have been beginning and just ending to repeat again…holding whatever that it holds…Happiness or misery…comfort or hardship…days haven’t been a nice meaning for me…they just pass to add years to my life and another mile down the road.

Actually now that i think of “days” and the “journey” i can see clearly that the mileage for me…the destination was and is always my kids…them growing…learning…being good people…that is my target…and that is what i ask Allah of…to give me time…days…to help them till they need no more help…till they are happy mature young adults.

Sometimes when i think of that destination it’s so overwhelming that i freak out…I can’t see myself having that much energy over those many years…And this is when it’s so scary that i find myself wanting to just disappear…because i can’t handle the thought of ever falling and failing them…but my fear rejuvenate new energy and i keep going…and praying for strength…

That, above, is my normal day to day thinking…

But today…I can see a new dawn…I can smell its freshness…sense how genuine it is…how promising…yet, not…as it is a bliss in itself to just experience dawn breaking it’s way through night…

And i say to myself…you are mistaken…that is a neon light turned on somewhere…that is an illusion…and you’ll end up disappointed…

Being the nasty realist that i am…

but…today…I can not only see a new dawn…I can feel it taking over my soul and messing with my heartbeats and leaving me breathless…

And it feels so heavenly that i do not care if it’s a switch off away…

It is so beautiful that i am not afraid…

I am relaxing every tense muscle i had so up tight for ages…

I am floating on that dawn…a

nd I don’t care if I’ll need to swim back to my secure solid shore…

I am so vivid and crisp and passionate and tranquil…

I am alive…being…

I am the new dawn.