Will save the post the few extra lines concerning the flashbacks and Intro and I will jump right into the point that I need to put aside.
I’ve been having a strong tendency to test people I cared about enough to have them in my life or people I can’t help but let them have the most minor presence in my life…friends and family members (mostly males) who shower me with brag and promises that they are the most wonderful giving considerate and supportive people ever!
They don’t have it in them and i know it and i see it and i realize they go on and on and on about how they are willing to do this and that for me and how they are not like those people who let their loved ones down …they keep provoking me to put their words to the test and see who’s really up to it and honest and who’s not.
90% of them failed simple requests of help and support ( sorry, but they’re fake requests).
I have certain facts I’d like to include here to make the picture clear:
– I have never asked anyone for anything and I never show I’m desperate over something, simply because I try not to let things rule me.
– They are pretty sure of the above.
– It is not a trust issue…on the contrary I am someone who believes in kindness and goodness from all people till i see otherwise and even then i always have an excuse ready for them that allows me to love them as they are.
– Why have i done the testing??? I was provoked by over showing how wonderful they are…over repeating how different they are…especially that last one…the minute someone describes him/herself as different…I know I’ll be seeing the contrary.
– I’m positive of this: no one loves and cares for real show off or keep rubbing it against you…love and care and devotion come naturally and smoothly because it’s from some one’s heart…someone spirit.
– After the failing, do i keep them away and stop loving them?? No, actually i know the excuses and i feel just sorry…I’m not a big fan of judging to the extent of shutting someone out…I know some one’s nature…put it in mind…never get high expectations from them and that’s it…most of the time nothing changes.
– Do I think it’s a nice thing to do,to test someone? Actually no… although I never hurt or embarrass any of them…as far as they know ( which is true really ) I understand.
I never needed tremendous amounts of friends around me…most of the time one close pal is more than enough, again because I’m not big on letting my laundry ( dirty or not ) be included in someone Else’s diary…yet i never cut with a friend unless i sense there’s a mutual need to do that…even then, we have to check on one another every now and then.
I learned that good people are the only worthy thing in this world.
I learned that no one can deliver all i want at all time…we all have stresses and circumstances…besides, this is what real friendship is…putting up with each other’s wackoes.
What I wanted to highlight by this is:
I need no promises of giving and caring from you, If I loved you, I’ll love you as you are…and I promise to love,care and support you the best i know how.