A week ago…exactly last Saturday I was so determined to walk away from a miserable situation and turn the page or tare it or burn it for all i care…
I actually took very serious, sharp steps in that direction.
Along the way I interviewed at a very well reputed company and the boss was nice and a real pro but as we were talking he said a couple of words that really touched something in me…he said: It’s more Important to be happy than to be better.
Better doesn’t always mean happier…it’s a misconception and as we talked i realized that we aim for being better just because it’s the closest most guaranteed meaning of happiness…happiness is so vague and an unknown state of spirit that can’t be reached by bare hands…All the unknown scare us…intimidates us…it’s bigger than us and our comprehension so we reach for the available and even that doesn’t become of handy easily but at least it can be figured out…it’s easy to aim for a better Job, car, house, appearance or affair than to aim for something like a great meaning of lively heavens as Happiness.
As for my trials to make things better I want to say that when ever i write on this blog i confront my self with what is really stirring in my heart…and I don’t state the nasty details that would alter the way readers view the post..yet the clues are there and i see them clearly and it’s OK to get a misunderstanding comment or not getting one at all…
You don’t have to write me or agree with me in order for me to feel your presence and friendly sharing moments…
I get that feeling the minute i click the button : PUBLISH.
It’s out there to the world…a piece of me.. a sign of social living yet virtual existence.
My partner in crime and i decided to sit down and talk some sense out.
I did and it was the first time in months we have such an open, relaxed and close heart to heart conversation and it was the best thing i would’ve done.
Bottom line was…either we take it the easy way and throw away something hazardousآ that wasآ based on a beautiful relationship…Or take it the hard way and help each other get through a hard phase to keep cherishing what we once had.
The second choice was my partners favor and because I’m tired of the continuous psychologicalآ challenges i wanted to choose no.one yet the whole thing led me to give the hard way a try and see howآ will I manage.
It took me two nights after thatآ of sleepless eyes flood with tears and on the third day I woke up full geared to act on it.
I wasn’t confident…acting…shaky…sharp and focused at the same time…was the way I felt afterwards…
Things at work are promised to get better…things personally areآ claimed to beآ improved.
Will I be happier ?
Will I be better ?
Allah only knows…And time will tell.