Iâ€™m losing it againâ€¦
I lost my temper and my best judgment and most importantly my cool mind yesterday at work and thatâ€™s why I didnâ€™t post yesterday as scheduled.
I donâ€™t have an accurate answer for thatâ€¦all I know is that I felt that things werenâ€™t as in control as they used to beâ€¦minor things around the office is irritating meâ€¦I started to raise my voice at certain occasionsâ€¦Iâ€™m not as comfortable as I once wasâ€¦
Is personal stuff affecting me again? Yes, they are.
Well, I lost 2 kg â€¦now I have 14 to go. Whatâ€™s great is that itâ€™s beginning to get slightly warmer the last few days and I know I really loose weight in summer so; hopefully that part of the challenge will be good.
Sometimes I wish I were with limited sightâ€¦walking a narrow roadâ€¦neither seeing nor bothering about whatâ€™s more out there or whatâ€™s below the surface. Sometimes I wish I had no great expectations from me or anyone else around meâ€¦just following a pattern and repeating a cycle day after day after day.
The moment I settle and begin to smile from relaxation and cozinessâ€¦something rocks my world and I start another challenge to maintain my stability again.
I never mind challenges as I love the rush of winningâ€¦but the repetition is tiring.
Yesterday morning I went to the club for the morning walkâ€¦I brisk walkâ€¦a girl ran next to me so I thought why donâ€™t I run? so I started runningâ€¦after a couple of minutes I began to acheâ€¦my breath failed me and I had to continue walkingâ€¦after a couple hundred meters I picked a tree down the lane and I set it as my goal to reach and I began running againâ€¦before reaching it my breath failed me againâ€¦after a while I set another point to reach and I ran and I reached it and it felt so fine that I repeated it again and again.
Now, that felt goodâ€¦but I wondered if that manifested the way I view things in generalâ€¦am I realistic and practical? Have I analyzed it right?
Why did I compare myself (34, chubby, poor lunged and tired woman) with a teenage fit girl running on the same track?
Why didnâ€™t I feel like I belonged to the same middle aged ladies trying to walk slowly just to reach a goal of completing the track?
I wondered if thatâ€™s why Iâ€™m having a hard time accepting lots of things around me that tells me everyday to want less and expect much lessâ€¦
I had a hard day yesterdayâ€¦my son isnâ€™t feeling so well and that breaks my heart.
Allah granted me so much lately and i feel humbled and guilty that I donâ€™t give much towards my faith and serenity.
I still â€“ after all the pain I went through- put so much from my soul towards peopleâ€¦I think itâ€™s time to slow down and reconstruct my world.
Hey, I lost 2 kg in week J