Losin’ it

I’m losing it again…


I lost my temper and my best judgment and most importantly my cool mind yesterday at work and that’s why I didn’t post yesterday as scheduled.


Why??


I don’t have an accurate answer for that…all I know is that I felt that things weren’t as in control as they used to be…minor things around the office is irritating me…I started to raise my voice at certain occasions…I’m not as comfortable as I once was…


Is personal stuff affecting me again? Yes, they are.


Well, I lost 2 kg …now I have 14 to go. What’s great is that it’s beginning to get slightly warmer the last few days and I know I really loose weight in summer so; hopefully that part of the challenge will be good.


Sometimes I wish I were with limited sight…walking a narrow road…neither seeing nor bothering about what’s more out there or what’s below the surface. Sometimes I wish I had no great expectations from me or anyone else around me…just following a pattern and repeating a cycle day after day after day.


The moment I settle and begin to smile from relaxation and coziness…something rocks my world and I start another challenge to maintain my stability again.


I never mind challenges as I love the rush of winning…but the repetition is tiring.


Yesterday morning I went to the club for the morning walk…I brisk walk…a girl ran next to me so I thought why don’t I run? so I started running…after a couple of minutes I began to ache…my breath failed me and I had to continue walking…after a couple hundred meters I picked a tree down the lane and I set it as my goal to reach and I began running again…before reaching it my breath failed me again…after a while I set another point to reach and I ran and I reached it and it felt so fine that I repeated it again and again.


Now, that felt good…but I wondered if that manifested the way I view things in general…am I realistic and practical? Have I analyzed it right?


Why did I compare myself (34, chubby, poor lunged and tired woman) with a teenage fit girl running on the same track?


Why didn’t I feel like I belonged to the same middle aged ladies trying to walk slowly just to reach a goal of completing the track?


I wondered if that’s why I’m having a hard time accepting lots of things around me that tells me everyday to want less and expect much less…


I had a hard day yesterday…my son isn’t feeling so well and that breaks my heart.


Allah granted me so much lately and i feel humbled and guilty that I don’t give much towards my faith and serenity.


I still – after all the pain I went through- put so much from my soul towards people…I think it’s time to slow down and reconstruct my world.


Hey, I lost 2 kg in week J


آ 

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