Can’t help it

I didn’t mean to scare anyone…I just can’t help it.

See, I force things to move around me…so i could feel fine…so i could sleep a couple of hours…cause i can’t afford to stop and feel what’s really going on.

Fear, that prime Instinct that drove mankind to the civilization we Indulge now!

The one thing i can’t get rid of and the one thing that could make me reach security.

Fear leads to my security…Ironic but true…cause I’ll be driven by it to do all that in my powers to survive.

I’m scared cause I’m nude…nothing covers my weaknesses and I don’t have anyone to hide in his shadow.

I don’t have a dad to run to for protection and i don’t have a husband to take care of me.

I just have ME…and before you think of it, Allah is all i have and all i need and i know that…but I’m talking materialistically…like everyone else on the face of the earth…i need a hand…a hug and i do by all means miss my dad who was always busy travelling and working but managed to give me just a little bit of security…i felt safe when i dialed his number before i go to bed…now, lots of times i forget that he’s no longer here to answer me when i reach for my phone and start calling him then a tear rolling down my cheek would remind me that I’m calling ……no one!

I’m not ranting and I’m not sad nor depressed…I’m just spelling out my fear.

I’m afraid for my kids…they don’t have ANYONE but me…no exaggeration here…NO ONE!

آ 

What would happen to them when i die??!!آ آ and no, it’s not a tough call…more likely it’s gonna happen much sooner than one would expect.

Lebanon is burning…that is a country…not a fragile woman who’s playing tough all day long till she drained out and got sick of fighting so hard.

My God, Lebanon is burning…Palestine is suffering…my country is about to explode from frustration and anger…

I’m afraid because no matter how hard i try to be good…bad always follows me and drags me into battles that i tend to loose on many occasions.

I’m scared to death from death…

I need help yet i won’t ask for it…not yet!

I have every fucking right to be afraid and i won’t act the secure toughآ woman here too…as long as I’m not.

I’m Proud of many things and I’m gratefulآ for many blessingsآ but here and now…for the time being…I am afraid.

Advertisements

11 thoughts on “Can’t help it

  1. wish i could do anything, and say anything that could make any change,,,i only have a keyboard and prayer…
    allah ye7fazek…as hameedez said allah ykoon ma3ek…wakleeha ba2a !!

    Like

  2. "ط§ظ„ط§ ط¨ط°ظƒط± ط§ظ„ظ„ظ€ظ‡ طھط·ظ…ط¦ظ† ط§ظ„ظ‚ظ„ظˆط¨"
    "ط§ط°ظƒط±ظˆظ†ظٹ ط§ط°ظƒط±ظƒظ…"
    ظˆظ„ط§ طھط®ط§ظپظٹ ط¹ظ„ظ‰ ط§ظˆظ„ط§ط¯ظƒ ظˆطھط°ظƒط±ظٹ
    "ظˆظƒط§ظ† ط§ط¨ظˆظ‡ظ…ط§ طµط§ظ„ط­ط§"

    Like

  3. "ط§ظ„ط§ ط¨ط°ظƒط± ط§ظ„ظ„ظ€ظ‡ طھط·ظ…ط¦ظ† ط§ظ„ظ‚ظ„ظˆط¨"
    "ط§ط°ظƒط±ظˆظ†ظٹ ط§ط°ظƒط±ظƒظ…"
    ظˆظ„ط§ طھط®ط§ظپظٹ ط¹ظ„ظ‰ ط§ظˆظ„ط§ط¯ظƒ ظˆطھط°ظƒط±ظٹ
    "ظˆظƒط§ظ† ط§ط¨ظˆظ‡ظ…ط§ طµط§ظ„ط­ط§"

    Like

  4. Rasha, tell a close person to you whom you trust to take care of your kids in case Allah took his amanah, many women I know do that, but b3eed esharr 3annek sis, wallah I miss you as you’ve mentioned it 😐
    All waht’s happening to you is a test for your faith, which will make you stronger and yes sister, you have all the right to be scared, at the end we’re humans who play it solo, but still it’s only Allah’s will which makes things tuned in our lives and which saves us..
    Remember dear: el ebtela2 3ala qadr el iman 🙂

    Like

  5. I wish I can do something to help!

    You know, we all are afraid so it’s not only you. But we can’t do but live life as it comes!

    Allah ye7fazek min kol sharr.

    Like

  6. you’re not alone… your feelings are felt by so many people in so many places… you can count me in 🙂

    and having said that, knowing that your feelings are also felt by other people does not make you feel any less lonely….

    i haven’t figured out a way to deal with any of it yet, but i am definitely letting u know when i do….

    until then malnash gheer rabena… we don’t have to express our fears or worries in words because He knows all… rabena ma3aky 🙂

    Like

  7. Hamede, Allah yekremak…you’ve always been so nice.

    Sharifo, U already do dear bro…7asbeya allah wa ne3ma alwakeel.

    May allah bless you Abdullah for the great reminders.

    Jeru dearest, Al7amdlelah I don’t have some one close who’s reliable!!
    Allah yostur and May Allah bless you for your great spirit.

    Jasim, yes, I belive we all have our fears…sometimes i just can’t stand how overwhelming it is…Thanks for being such a considerate bro.

    Insomniac, true…talking about it doesn’t ease nor knowing that others have the same feeling somehow…
    May Allah bless and guide you and thanks for your nice visit.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s