I really need a Man’ saying on this ( normal man! ) and a woman.

This is one category of subjects that ruins my peace and worry me to the extent that i didn’t have one moment of sleep last night nor did i have the will to do anything but think and think and hold on to my son who spent the night next to me last night.

I won’t be bragging or exaggerating if I would say that both my son and daughter are very innocent polite kids (8&6) who haven’t been messed up in the brains by Arabic series and PlayStation games with all due respect to kids who have.

آ 

They are more into ordinary moderate super hero toys…cartoons and games of moderate nature…they read…play and make up stories…and of course quarrel all the time.

آ 

They like school…ever since they’ve been to a school…and that for hassan and Jomana since they were 3.9 years old.

آ 

For the first time EVER has hassan cried because he didn’t want to go to school…last night he was so nervous…crying over trivial silly stuff…I knew something else was wrong and he wasn’t talking…after cooling him down he confided in me and said that a new class mate has beaten the hell out of him…punches, kicks and that that was very hard…not like other boy stuff that happens all the time at school.

آ 

I soothed him then asked: have you hit him back ?

He said: No, you said never to hit anyone…besides, I was really hurting.

I asked: Did you tell your teacher?

He replied: It was during the break and i saw Mr. …. (the school’s Manager) I told him so he said: go beat him up

I was like WHAT?!! but fe serry 2olt 7agat keteer tanya!

I knew then I had to reply according to his best interest yet not give up what i think is right as a rule…

I said: Look Hassan, you have to know that strength is actually in the brains and personality not in being violent! and avoiding school and the boy is only gonna make u weaker…would u want that??? he nodded that NO!

I continued: what i think you should do is that you should trust that you are very strong both physically and mentally and you’re gonna use that…I want you to call your friends Y and O then talk to the kid…tell him you will not allow him to be that bad any more…tell him you have told your mom and the manager and you would’ve hit him harder but you chose not to because you wanted to give him a chance to be a good boy and your friend…be firm…look him in the eye and sharpen ur tune.

He asked: what if he hit me hard again anyway?

I had to say: HIT BACK!

He said: but he will keep beating me

I said: beat him back…men defend themselves when they have to and that doesn’t mean they won’t be hit…but then…u won’t feel bad and hurt as u do now…u can handle that pain more than this…yet again, and concentrate on what i’m saying cause i will not allow any other action, you will talk to him as agreed with the intention of making him a good boy to be your friend.

He agreed…smiled as he liked the idea and slept next to me…

My heart ached…I was worried…Life can ruin what I’m trying to teach my kids and i can’t do much about what might come their way….I could be wrong and my boy will be a wuss!

I maybe right but that doesn’t apply on kids without an available Dad…well, although I know that he is against hitting himself…a 100 question and lots of worries and a restless night.

I couldn’t do but cuddle beside him and think…couldn’t do the night routine of music, reading or using the net…nothing…my baby and that’s it!

آ 

I’m still at work so a I gave home a call around 5 pm to ask him what has he done…He said that he didn’t call his friends…talked him during the morning line, said what we agreed on…the boy stressedآ that he will not change what ever hassan told him andآ whatever he did.

yet, heآ didn’t tell hassan a word not tried to interact with him…Hassan during Class ignored him completely.

آ 

What should i do??!!

What is right???

Do you men, have to beat up each other to beآ “Men”??

Willآ my advice corrupt my boy or is it staying far from trouble that will???!!

آ The thought of him being hit kills me…and that thought of him hitting makes me sick!

Help…Please!

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14 thoughts on “I really need a Man’ saying on this ( normal man! ) and a woman.

  1. Yea right, I second hamede.
    Though I still recommend giving the manager a good beat, at least verbally. When I first came to Egypt after a long time of peaceful time in KSA I had to overuse the power of fear (with few times of using force) against bullies.

    If he still suffers again, let him learn Karate (Karate is more defense-based, avoid Kong Fu) and tell him that Karate is just for self-defense and helping other people, not to be used in evil.

    May Allah protect him (:

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  2. I am not sure if I qualify as a "normal man"! but my advice is as follows:
    -you must work on teaching your son how to hit and beat, hard. Kids his age really haven’t a real grasp on concepts of mediation and truces.
    -Also, at this age, personalities are formed. If your kid is to stay at this school for a while, he must establish his presence. A way of doing that is not talking and calming down the aggressor, but by talking to his good friends to help each other in time of need.
    -Point out to your son where to hit! I know I am evil, but the best defense is good offense. A few kicks and punches, and the other kid will never get any closer to your son.
    -I might also talk to the parents. They usually have the most influence over their son.
    -The School Manger is right. If you’re hit, hit back. There won’t be any disfigurements or extreme danger, but the temporary feeling of pain will last for a long time in the kids mind after the pain has seized.
    -I won’t put too much emphasis on the absence of a father figure for you son. I can tell you that mustafa, my best friend, never new his dad (died when he was 1). But mustafa is one of the most successful men I personally know. It was crucial that I was on his team. I learned a lot from him. Your son, too, can form alliances with his best friends. They have to defend each other if they’re attacked.

    sorry for the long comment. This incident strikes a cord for me. now I look back and say I did the right thing by beating the other kid.

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  3. Hamede, Has a different meaning coming from u with ur experience and being a parent urself.
    Thank you bro.

    Goog, I have to admit that i didn’t see that coming from you 🙂
    beaten kids back in the days ha?? 😀
    and protect u my brother 🙂

    He is taking Karate classes but i’ve always said NO to hitting so elwalad beysma3 kalamy :S

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  4. Garfan,
    you can write as long a comment as you want…always welcomed 🙂

    Well, I get your point and i’m glad you explained it further.

    So, I’ve been messing with the boys natural instinct by my own Chick one!!

    I will show him some kicks and punches…i played such sports and weight lifting when i was younger so i know my way around those.

    So, ana shatamt elmodeer zolm 😀
    shame on me 🙂

    Thanks again and i really appreciate your two cents on this.

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  5. Bullies in school… and the school manager just…let it be?..something’s wrong here.

    normally, back in my younger days, if I had a fight (in which i’m normally the victim), my mom will come to school the next day, meet with my aggressor’s mom…and have a chit chat.sometimes they end up being good friends…other times it boils up to broader family feud.

    but i think ur idea’s great, let him diplomatically end the fight..and if not, its all out war. but maybe you should tell him violence doesnt solve anything-most of the time.

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  6. there’s an old saying: Never start a fight, but once it started be the one to finish it.

    As a kid, I had to deal with this kind of thing upto 6th grade where the different grades fought what can only be called gang warfare.

    Then I moved to a more civilized (I hate to says this but it was British) school. If someone attacks you, you get a witness to the principal and the guy gets suspended, their parents get called in, and if he does it again, he gets expelled.

    School is no place for animals like the bully who attacked your son. I don’t care how old he is, it’s their parents fault for raising him that way.

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  7. Afzal,
    I thought about doing that parent approach thingie but retreated…last week i attended a parents meeting and i saw most parents argue with the teachers who had remarks regarding their sons or daughters grades or behaviour.
    Wasn’t nice at all!

    I don’t want hassan to be a victim but again i find such violence repulsive!

    Thanks brother for your tip on that…really appreciate it.

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  8. Exactly Hani…it’s the parents fault!
    now, won’t it be hard to control hassan if NOW i tell him it’s ok to hit back?? i mean, what if he became a bully himself…ba3d elsharr ya3ni.

    Thanks for the saying, i can see now it’s important for him to hit back .

    Appreciate responding buddy 🙂

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  9. Rasha,
    Take Hasan to martial arts class, and let him know how to defend himself and gain self confidence before you ask him to restrain from violence. Once he is trained he will know how to manage himself and bullys like that boy.
    As always Right has to has might to be respected in this world of the law of the jungle.
    Your son is smart and his response is logical because he feels he is not as strong and ready to fight.
    Do not waste time and take him to martial arts class (real one not just dancing)

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  10. OMG

    honey, the only reason that would stop me from hitting that kid and biting the manager’s head off is because i would want my own son tolearn how to stand up for himself….

    it was good of you to teach him that brains and character are more important, and that real strength lies there, but i think u should also teach him that he can use physical strength when he has to… i mean if his brain is as smart as i know it is, he will now how to not abuse his physical strength…. add karatae or whatever similar sport to the things he learns, tell him it’s to learn to defend himself and his sister when they need to….

    yes i think men have to hit back, but the good men know when to hit back and when to hold back, so give him the means to stand up for himself and teach him how to never abuse it… and omG, ana 3ayza agy a7don 7asan wamawet el walad da, how can anyone hit such a cutie, jerks!!!!

    *hugs to you and hassan*

    oh and in the meantime, if it persists, go talk to the manager and tell him if he does not control his school, u will so take the matter to the police and it would look so bad for the school’s reputation… just don’t ask him to go punish the guy, you don’t want mean kids to tell hassan he’s a momma’s boy, u just want to knowthey are in a safe environment….

    if you need me to come and you know do my angry customer routine, just dial the number baby :)))

    *more hugs*

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  11. Wallahi ya Abdallah now that you’ve spoken i’m positive that i was wrong!
    Although I did give him two karate classes but we didn’t continue..
    I believe the classes isn’t the Issue…elwalad beysma3 kalami 😦 I’ve always taught him that hitting is not allowed…that it’s bad…and he’s strong and i’ve seen him restrain his strength before.
    3andak 7a2 ya 3abdallah, Right has to have Might!
    Thank you 🙂

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  12. Ya Inso ya 7abebty 🙂 ehe2 ehe2 shofty hassona welly 7asalo 😦

    I believe you know how i felt.
    Believing in something as a woman 7aga oo applying it to a man 6ele3 7aga tanya…

    La2 wanna proud awi en weladi mo2adabeen…
    I really would hit the manager besara7a 7ata law his opinion is what’s right…i think he would have said it in another way or gave the kid the time to check on the other kid and make things right.
    howa estashel!

    I will teach hassan karate in a more intensive way from now on…and rabena yostur 3ala jeeka ba2a or else…i’ll give her those classes as well…yalla…khaly elbeit kolo yerazza3 fe ba3d 😀

    teegy n switch from the bike thingie to hitting a punch bag ?? 😀

    hugs hugs hugs hugs *

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