I Remember you..

originally uploaded by rasha/caller.

Are you tired?
Are you asking allah for strength?
I remember you..

The war is somehow over and you made us all proud and honored..you gave us faith in our ability as muslims..
You achieved victory and pride for us..
Not because it has cooled that i’d forget you..
No..i don’t..
Blessed ramadan..may allah grant you more power and wit and strength..you are the hope..what allah gave us to feel our dignity again..
Ramadan mubarak skeikh hassan..allah ye7fazak.

Celebrations in ramadan:):)

Asalam 3alaykom,


Celebrating in ramadan always tasted differently…more sweet..wrapped in light and pure joy..maybe the blessings of ramadan coats what is originally sweet with extra sugar and honey and gold..


And today..i’m feeling overwhelmed by happiness because i’m celebrating a dear,lovely and close friend of mine..

For months now..she has been a great asset in my life..her support is amazing..i foun d her closer to me at my hard times than a lot ofآ friends and relatives..

I feel blessed that i know her and i’m forever thankfull to my dear friend ABED who was the reason i got to know her..

Dear friends..just recently i knew that KARINآ said the shahadaآ  and became a muslim officially…although she has always been with wonderful qualities that made her close to lots of us..still..this amazing addition in her life made her more precious..

She wrote an amazing post remembering her first ramadan in amman..please check it out it’s just so heart warming and moving…it made me realize how we get used to blessings and tend to loose touch with our essence..

May allah bless you karin…and all of you my dear friends..



I’ve seen it all my life.the way women react when they get divorced or even break up with a fiance..DWS: divorced woman syndrome…


I’m talking here about the type thatآ was forced into it by a bad husband..Who would leave her for another or throw her away when he’d done with her type!!

Not the type who’s unfair and is playing with her husband’s feelings..or the type that had to get it causeآ she had horrible marriage!!


She would feel unworthy..lost..ugly(even if she’s super pretty)..Lonelier than a rock in space..she would feel dependente,but has no one to depend on..

She’d try to show off..dress extra elegant and at times, extra sexy..would put much makeup..and look for any kind of attention..from a look to more..any kind word would get her into trouble, cause being in a relation in that state is a pure lie that could beآ  a disaster if she let herself follow that false feeling..

No healing for that crack inside her femininity but time..and time heals..time doesn’t cure totally or make the scar vanish..but it calms the pain..and time would calm her pain..but another great marriage would cure it forever..


The other two types are a different story..

Theآ woman who would leave her husband unfairly would be stronger cause she must ‘ve had a hidden agenda..

And the woman who had to get a divorce cause life became impossible wouldآ sometimes feel scared,lost and lonelier than a rock in space..but her sight would be clearer,more focused and knows what she wants..and in time,hopefuly she would be better than ever..full of confidence and self esteem..after all sheآ has nothing to regret..she wasn’t unfair..probably she tried her best…and surly she deserves what’s better..


**That what the symptoms of the syndrome…What is the cure??


آ آ آ آ  People do themselves a lot of injustice when they trey to refer to their minds to set social rules rather than giving in to Allah’s rules in quran and sunnah..

*The prophet and the prophet companions dealt with marriage in the exact way that Allah wanted us to deal with..so..we never heard inآ 7yat alsa7abah..about struggles after divorce orآ nasty maneuvers from any party…NO..on the contrary…a couple would marry to maintain love,comfort and mercy between them and would stay like ..and if that isn’t happening any more..they would separate decently and quietly just as they got married in the first place..back then..remarriage wasn’t a big deal and people didn’t point out the divorced woman or man as a freak like now a days..

We even never heard of problems with their kids or who would have them..it was regulated and they obeyed…

We all know the first 7adeeth in “alkhol3e”..the prophet didn’t ask the lady who wanted to leave her good husband just because she didn’t love him..the prophet didn’t ask her twice,nor asked about the kids,nor told her to reconsider…


Why ?? because Allah made marriage to regulate relations between men and woman and that would guarantee their loyalty and purity..and staying with a manآ sheid despise would putآ her in risk of looking at another…so Islam is a great amazing religion..cause Allah knows our inner selves..and sunnah deals with that …only if we maintain it in our lives and make it our only scale…andآ  nothing else counts!!!

آ آ 

I shout…

They try to advice..

I try to revise..

I try to remember all the lines..


They say,must move on..

They say,try another one..

They say,come on..he’s long gone..

آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ 

I shout,stop it now..

I shout,don’t how..

I shout,can’t come up from the bow..


I cry,when he’s near..

I cry,disappear..

I cry,don’t hold your tear..


Never thought it would hurt so much..

Never thought i’d go on and on…..longing for the touch.


I wonder why,he takes away my little things.

my rose, my name,my happy places..

I wonder why,he has to share my laughs not fears..

my rose,my name,covers my traces..


I’m mad my hope ain’t ending..

i’m mad his rope’s still pending..

i’m mad i’m weak

i’m mad i seak

this happy ending…..


My heart..can’t control

can’t push a button and make it fall

It’s not weak ,you fool

when love in a moment rule


It’s bigger than my life..

it’s bigger than any life..

It’s on and on and on and on…but i’ll survive..



It has been a while..a long while..

My backstage memories are starting to fade now that i have been away for some time now!!

But i was talking about a party with a friend of mine so i remembered a couple of gigs i attended before…bezamanaaaaaaaaat:):)




آ There are several types of parties when it comes to celebrities..

Regular: birthdays..engagements..weddings..


Mostly won’t differ much than ordinary parties that we all know of…except maybe for the fact that some female artists like to celebrate her birthday four times a year!!!

Why??..why not??!! with all the gifts..fun..supervised business deals that take place on a side table..which she can get a decent percentage of …just a thin slice of the cake!!


Irregular: and these take place in hotel royal suits..or country houses..or public night clubs..

Hotels usually hold gatherings of a weired kind..at least to me..

I never knew why would a gulf oilman or prince or even princess..would make their foriegner secretaries to call movie stars and singers to hangآ  with them..then would give each star an envelope full of u.s bills!!



Country houses would witness original kind of parties..too original..That type i only heard of from relyable sources..i could never understand why?!!!


Night clubs would close it’s doors to ordinary customers and host the prince and followers only…and that is so weired..cause naturally he’d expect a special treatment regarding everything…right at the night club.!!.


Some times i would see pictures of artists that i’ve always thought that they are so respectable due to their age..or the type of roles they take…but i would see one having two women on his lab and hardly holding his liquer!!

And i would be shocked..that once i was told: Don’t you get shocked too much?!


I would never forget two parties that took place around the swimming pool of a grand hotel!!


One wasآ  celebrating the birthday of the husband of a well known show girl..retiered now..

Girls would stand in line to kiss the man..he looked so good but he was so short,i had to go and pass by the human gate they made at the pools entrance..i was all red and confused..i had to pass him but i won’t do what others do gladely..

His wife was a friend of mine from younger age..she saw the embaressment in my eyes as i skipped my roll each time i get closer…i was about to leave when she called:

Rasha..come..pass by me…i know you won’t do like those tramp!!

I gave her a big hug..she was nice..and years after..she proved to a lot of people that she’s not a bad person as all people thaought of her..


Second was also aآ  birthday..a royal princess held that party for that new singer..not super star ..dude..he was her friend!!!!

his gift was a brand new mercedes and he kept bragging that she took him to italy and bought him italian suits ..that she spent over a quarter of a million dollars on it!!

He was so so cheesy..i happened to be passing by the rest room when i saw him blow drying his hair in a girlish way…yuck>>he repeated that for more than six times during the party..

his 20 years older than him,princess didn’t mind at all that he kept flirting with all the girls in place..


Look..They have tools to make the best parties..to have the greatest fun ever…but i swear..i never felt that they had real fun..or laughed from the heart..

It always looked like a big act..and there is one true feeling i always had..it felt as if one would become possesed by evil spirits..that makes you want to do anything wrong!!!1

anything…maybe the atmosphere..i don’t know what it is…but i doubt that someone would walk out of such parties clean..

Would any??!!



Little foot steps..

I’m so excited…

I’m so worried…

I’m so happy…آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ 


My kids are going to school on Sunday in sha2 Allah…

It’s amazing how school changes their moods and regulates their behavior…maybe it’s the routine…the socializing on steady daily basis…or maybe they really need to walk out of my tenet!!


Even kids cherish their individuality, they nourish when they are on their own…

Do I like it??..no:S

Do I appreciate it?? SureJ

They are just as smart, liberal and open minded as we could ever wish we’d be…

The biggest mistake one would do is underestimating their mentality…they may not understand all aspects of life…but I can assure you they feel more than we do…

If a parent is stupid to talk about anything improper in “codes” in front of his kid…let me assure you that the kid feels that it’s wrong, and may have a vague idea about what it really means…so..We form them way early without knowing…


And I have to add ,that I hide my mistakes or special circumstances from my kids if I can’t yet change myself…never think that what we see in movies..Like when a man is having an affair and he thinks honesty is great and that he should tell his kids….just pure crap!!!

They export misconceptions that would lead to corrupting generations if we take it blindly…

ط¥ط°ط§ ط¨ظ„ظٹطھظ… ظپط§ط³طھطھط±ظˆط§

This is our scale…because when ever Allah changes our hearts…our kids will remain solid from the inside…

Minimizing the scars in them is a life’s mission…

Keeping them safe…from others, themselves and most importantly from US!!

May Allah guard all kids. And grant them the best…

There’s a do3a2 that I love to say”

“ط§ظ„ظ„ظ‡ظ… ط§ط¸ظ„ظ‡ظ… ظپظ‰ ط¸ظ„ظƒ ظٹظˆظ… ظ„ط§ ط¸ظ„ ط§ظ„ط§ ط¸ظ„ظƒ..ط´ط¨ط§ط¨ ظ†ط´ط£ظˆط§ ظپظ‰ ط·ط§ط¹ط© ط§ظ„ظ„ظ‡”

Backstage…DEATH !

Asalam 3alaykom,

As sad and shocked..i am also hyper and rebillous and i want to say what i never thought i would say..what every normal girl would hide..i want to scream itآ so loud..i want to write it in a paper and stick it on foreheads..Don’t mind the longest post you’ve ever read…but it’s now or never!!!


And because i trust you..and i wish if i can make all the thousands that may pass by jeeran read this..and have the same eye opener that i have..

Today..i’m backstaging about:: my uncle’s death..


Early,this morning ..right after i prayed dawn..my brother called and told me the news..i was lonely and i felt so so scared,death rocks me..terrifies me..for the deceased and for myself!!

As i waited for the car to arriveآ i wrote the previous post..i couldn’t cry..but i had this sharp pain in my heart..the car came and i had my two cousins with me..they were as stunned..


My uncle..may allah’s mercy be upon him..was the most handsome man inآ  the family and probably i know of..he had theآ appearance of french movie stars..he purchased his outfits from fashion houses in paris and italy..very fit and healthy.mid fourties.

He was marriedآ to a great lady who adored him and they were given two lovely boys age 13 and 12..and a little one year old girl..he has five older brothers and a very old mom who had him as her buddy and sonآ ..


He is the only musician other than my dad..he is not famous to public but within the field..and he did it only for money..the several thousands that he would make in one week and would make him give his family a great life..he tried more than once to leave..he failed to make any kind of business,and he would always return..

He feared allah but couldn’t change his life for good..


The night he died..and i say this with great great sadness..he was playing on stage in a hotel..suddenly he dropped dead…Can you imagine what the band..the guests..the performer felt??


I arrived at his mother’s house,she was in …i can’t describe how she was..no hysterical..but just unreal…the moment she saw me and i saw her she cried my name in a way that made all the rivers of sadness flow..i revealed my shock and my pain..from loosing him..and from fearing for him!!

I loved him..he liked me a lot..and he would praise me by saying…american angel..then would smile and say: no..there are no such angels in america..and he would make my heart fly…i never saw him much..he spent most his life in italy and paris,then came to settle after marriage but also..he is always on the run..


His wife and his sister came..they were more devistated than his mom..i knew how much he meant to everyone,his wife loved him beyond love..she used to say that he is her dream come true..she couldn’t just take the pain..i couldn’t say one word but la illah ila allah..through my flooded quiet tears..


It was time to go to the hospital..i arrived to see piles of people every where..every group indecate that there is a death in their family…then came our turn..i looked around..whereآ are my uncles..where are my brother..where are the men of the family.??

Couldn’t see but:::: the familiar faces of musicians..some areآ  well known,some are semi famous and some are not but i can tell who they were…they were confused..crying..couldn’t see infront of them!!!!!!!! numb..yet sad..they stood there not knowing what to do..

I got angry..where are elshoyookh bto3na?? feenak ya shiekh 3aly..my brother??

Who will say lots of do3aa2..take care of his kids?/ just be there!!! the things that men do!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAh..they were at home.!!!!..the preformer came..tried to comfort his wife who was crying like hell..atareeha had the same experience ..on ly…her boy never got to see his dad….i looked at her,i knew her but didn’t see her since the last time i saw a show eight years ago..she knew me and huged me and was very nice and simple ..infact too simple..she seemed kind..infact too kind!!!


The funeral car took him..we drove behind him till the mosque where we should pray on him after noon prayers..and there i found my dad..in a state ..i never saw him like that in my whole life and i read a certain look in his eyes..like he’s telling me: i’m ten years older,unfitt and sick!!!

I just kept kissing his hands..kissing his hands..i didn’t want to stop but he would pull it away,i wonder why do they always do that… ya baba let me have your hand..we had an argument two days ago and i felt so so so guilty after this..al7amdlelah..he was lovingآ and raddy 3anny..


The mosque is in midtown..a great number of people were arriving every second and the passing cars were interested in knowing what are these big number of black BMWs and Mercedes doing lining up like this..a lot of famous artists were arriving…people were gathering more and more…untill…and to my great surprise..came a glowing man breaking the crowds..dressed in a suit that is all printed in flowers,did you guess?? yes he is!!

oo eeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

why and how?? we were all stunned but what happened after that really changed my whole view of everything…i swear: thousands..were gathering inآ  a matter of minutes..i found myself squashed by human tides..me and my cousins held eachother tight..we were standing next to my dad’s car..our car was parked far..we couldn’t walk there men elza7ma…

all those people were laughing..talking about my dad..and the glowing man…faking that they were relatives of myDEAD UNCLE..to get a hand shake from glowy orآ  dad..or the preformer who suffered in and out of the mosque from the men in the street who actually climbed a near by tree to get a good look!!!!!


AT this point…it was so so so mad that the two way roadآ stopped and was full of people..after almost fainting from heat and kicked and knocked from haza altagamhor alraheeb…the police came..took them 30 minutes to make all the crowd walk away..stillآ we would find groups of them near by..i over heared what???




and someone who plays mr. i know it all: pointing at me and saying: look at this covered woman ..she isآ ” my dad’s” wife..


All the laughter and talk made me sick…what kind of humans have we become..is this death?? do we feel any compassion at all??


Again..lots of artists..several were smoking pot in the street..Kissing in the street..3ady..mana yama ghele6 w tobt w ghele6 tany w tobt…w lesa w lesa..bas the question is untill when??.iآ see that starnge man who is deliberetly beykhbat feena…آ ..my blood preasure is going up and up and up..that i almost hit him,but i found my dady’s driver coming to our rescue and he and the performers bodyguard kept watching us till the end…i almostآ left and skipped the prayer but the profound sadness in his son’s eyes made me pin myself to the pavement till they called for prayer..


Thank allah i prayed on him…thank allah i was there to hold his wife,kids and who ever i could help as much as i could..

Thank allah i never stopped do3a2 and prayers..


It was a nightmare,that i watched and lived at the same time..we drove behind his car to the Were he is buried…they went in to bury him..i stayed in the car..cause it’s not sunnah for women..then went home..


We all went home..maybe hurt and sad and shocked..but we returned home……he didn’t…he is being asked..his qiamah began…and i was scared..so scared that i couldn’t say a word but do3a2 while i was thinking about what i saw today..


What kind of life is this..what kind of death is that..

How can artists live normally after today…or ..do they see that but just can’t walk away..like he couldn’t..Are they scared like i am?


They even looked at me in a demeaning way cause i was the onlyone covered up untill they saw me in the BMWآ then they started smilling at me…in the funeral!!!!!!!!!!!!

And artists who didn’t know me, had others pointng me to them as a kind of torfah..ahhhhhh bent folan elfolany…yaaaaaaah!!


What scale??

What makes us worthwhile??

Is the thousands wel gaw elmawboo2 worth it??


I feel so guilty for wanting things from life…i feel so guilty that i keep thinking about my needs… i asked myself..is death bigger than life that we should give it up to save our necks after we die?? then i would remember what i know from quran and sunnah…


Ya rab..allahuma arrena al7aq 7aqa..wal ba6el ba6ela…

Ya rab a7sen khatematana…ya rab taqabalna fe 3ebadek alsale7een..

Ya rab la tametna 2ela wa anta radden 3ana..

Ya rab na7no aldo3afaa2 2elayk

Ya rab!!


آ آ آ 

Home sweet home:)

Home sweet home,Ya allah ..how i missed it.

I missed all of my dear friends,i missed writing here what i have in mind..i missed being thecaller.


Thank allah i managed to settel most of my matters,the whole thing enlighted me.

Now,i realize that:

-آ Life is no game..it’s serious,and needs tough spirits.

– Passion is no flaw..it’s our essence.

– If you really want it..grab it,simple!

– No one will ever put me down again!

– Shame will never create change..


So,i’m accepting more about myself and about what allah offers me.

Learned somethings from my mistakes,back..brand new..:)


Thank you my dear friends for your support and love,your care really lifted me upآ .

May allah bless all who ever cared or even thought or wondered about me,blogging is precious,no doubt!


I thought stupidly about something technical a while ago,and that reminded me to tell you :

I’m starting studying programingآ next week in sha2 allah..

I gotta be out of my mind to study anything again:)

But,i really like knowing about that field and now that i relativly have more free time it should be no problem..wish meآ luck and i’d appreciate any tips!!آ آ آ