Curtains

It separates me from the whole wide universe..that great curtain..it’s light and silky and smooth..yet..it’s hard to fold..or drag away..or even toآ raise a little bit of it to have a peek of what’s behind..

I find a friend missing for a day..i think..oh god..i’m worried..is that friend sick..or sad..or what..well i’m not use to him/her being away..and i react..so i ask about the friend..and the minute i find the >>it’s o.k.. reply in any way…is the minute the curtains are up to reveal simple,modest truthsآ ..that are once hidden stir great ,annoying feelings..

And this is life regarding everything..

Man is the enemy of the unknown…it scares us being in the dark..of anything..no matter how silly that thing is..and we tend to panic when the unknowing continues for a while..

We make assumptionsآ ..and start building scenarios in our heads..

Know the story of the guest???

Well…yo7ka an::

Tow friends met in the street..so the older one invited the other for lunch at his home..his friendآ sat down in the living room and the host asked him if he wants something to drink first so he said::well..don’t wanna trouble u.

the host said::no trouble…and he clapped his hands and said..juice please..and he was talking to the big curtain near by..two min.and the drink came!!

After a while..the host clapped his hands to the curtain and said::lunch..and instantly he found a great lunch by the curtain…after that the same thing happens with desert!!

So..the guest asked the man..where did u get that curtain?..he said.:.well do u know the store on seventh street…from there!!

So the man went,bought it and hanged it on the wall and started clapping..and clapping…nothing!!

He returned back to his friend..and asked..whyآ doesn’t the curtainآ give me the same as it gives you??

And his friend tells him that he had a wife serving them from behind the curtain!!!

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Well..everything we get..everything we know..everything we learn..is actually given to us..and our accomplishments are simply in beingآ  good receivers..as ,if we are bad in receiving..we won’t beآ making much out of life!!

And allah is so great and wide that he makes material ,lively reasons for us to provide..but from where??

from him..everything is from allah..never think you make or create..no..allah makes or gives you knowledge to make..

So..we should stop staring at the curtains and simply get ourselves ready to receive from allah…

Even ra7et el bal is from allah..with or without reasons!!

Remember..when my friend showed that he’s/she’s o.k…it was a relief to my worries..yes..the person did that..but what made him/her do it??

everything is written and fated..and the moment allah wishes to give …he orders reasons to open the curtains and Reveal the truth !!

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great words..

آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ 

Each of your breaths is a priceless jewel, since each of them is
irreplaceable and, once gone, can never be retrieved. Do not be like the
deceived fools who are joyous because each day their wealth increases while
their life shortens. What good is an increase in wealth when life grows
ever shorter? Therefore be joyous only for an increase in knowledge or in
good works, for they are your two companions who will accompany you in your
grave when your family, wealth, children and friends stay behind.”
~

Imam Ghazali Rahimahullah

Blue soup..

It’s still 3eed..

And i’m staying at home..awake since six am..although i slept at four:S..

So..i thought i’d treat my naughty self into some 3ediah..

So i watched bridget jones diary..i know..i know..it’s old..yet..it has been years since i last saw it..and i have this thing for re- watching my favsآ after a while..and this time..i really really had a great time..

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Alone..in front of the t.v…one huge cup of nescafe forآ  the awakening aroma..and it started..the thing is ..i have forgotten all the details ,that i really enjoyedآ some good laughs and some squeezes of the heart..

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And i found the thought of being the silly girl who has verbal diarrhea..who speaks everything that crosses her mind..who stumbles by in troubles..jerks..and sweet affection..who tries to cook to her friends only to end up with blue soup:)Quite real.

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The moment when your mind shuts down on you and your nerves weaken to the unreal fantasy with all the clues hanging down from the ceiling poking your eyes just to get your attention that this heated affair ain’t goodآ for u..yet..sweet silliness hang on to the 1:10000

chance that she’llآ float forever on this happy cloud..

Which of course crashes to a thousand pieces..but only when she sees the naked truth with her own eyes..so real that she could smell the rotten stink..

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And like all sweet life roses..here appears every girl’s mr.darcy…the unappreciated gentleman..because of silly standards like a snowman’s tie!!

The stiff..snob..weired mannered guy who turns out to be pardoned for everything and who’s the only one who likes her just as she is!!

and these little words change everything within her..she won’t have to be someone Else’s bunny:)

And those words will set her silliness even more free..to touch his heart and allow him to share his manly perfect character with her…and only then..she will tell the gigolo jerk that trying her around is not good enough an offer..

She wants it all and she deserves it all…cause she’s got it all!!

And as spontaneous as the snow flakes covering her streets..she would run toآ catch her darcy by her self..even if she’s gonna expose the tigerآ on her…when at the same moment..he is getting her the new pages she needs to start a newآ chapter in her life..

And she says…Wait:: nice guys don’t kiss like that!!

And he says…yes…they @#$%%^ do !!آ 

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(u have to know the movie..p1..to get my post..but if u don’t..i recommend watching it…come on..only a treat:)آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ 

Dawn blogging..

Yaaaaah..i remember when i was questioned months ago about my dawn blogging..

i remember Q’s suggestions to solve my problem!!

Well..no luck yet..asl elnoom da sultaaaaaan:)آ no one can force it…wala 7ata yed7ak 3aleeh!!

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I’ve been so happy and lost all my mental hectic abilities..but one..

The one that gets you going nicely with minimum thought and consideration..and to me..that was so much fun!! my traffic jam mind wasآ  gayeb akhroh!!

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And why the heck do i write in arabic all of a suddenآ and in the middle of the sentence?…beats me!!

آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ 

As much as i was happy to spend a great time today..again..with great lovely summer..as i had an issue nagging me..judging and expectations..

And i found that Ola is talking about that very same issue ..and through her i found a live judgmental attack on moey’s…so in a way..it is JUDgMENT DAY!!

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Who’s doing what?looking how?wearing that…saying this..sneazing.aaaatsi!!

Anything that one would doآ …

If i’m veiled..people will talk that i lost half my beauty and leeh ya khsara..she was cute!!

If i’m not veiled (g.f)..then they’d say..wallah..she grew so old for this teen look..doesn’t she fear allah..

If i covered my face..i’m officially a terrorist…OR an undercover bad girl..

If i take the face veil off…ya khsara..her faith is on the ground..OR ah tab3an mahe 3ayza tetgawez!!

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one might drop dead instead..although people will talk about that too..and wonder why did i die at this young age..akeed men elham..

So..what would all expect from you and what would you expect from them is quite a riddle..if you spend your life trying to solve it…you’ll waste it..and we all go through that..

Whether you’re religious or not..nice or not..bateekh or not..will never matter..as long as u breath..you will forever be judged.

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Better stick to what allah tells u and what u tell allah in this moment you get with him wholeheartedly..and if you don’t have such moments yet..listen to your heart..as it’s the closest thing to the truth..till u find your own cloud with allah who created that heart..

cause that will set you free..

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spirit free..

As white as can be..

Glowing eternally..

flying to the seventh sea..

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Jasmine night


,
originally uploaded by
rasha/caller.
And again..
Wewent to our fav. cafe..that very famous egyptian one..Elfishawe..
Me and
Enoآ manage to extract laughs just from each other’s company..we are so relaxed and outgoing together..regardless of all our headache issues..
We are the kind of friends that would like the same stuff and finish each other’s sentences..
And our nice night completed when we met summer again at the cafe..
We found
summerآ and her husband kindly waiting for us..they were in the middle of the most crowded place in cairo..this historical..authentic and ancient cafe..where a thousand people are gathered in a one meter wide long lane..
There were no om kolthoum songs this time..only the apple scented smoke of the sheesha and the little tea pots..and people from all nationalities hanging out..sitting so close that you can count the hairs in thier 2afa:D:D

WE talked and laughed and i really felt even closer to summer ..i was so relaxed and enjoyed my time to an unbelievable extend..she so fresh and caring and the brightness in her eyes give you hope and even..power to live the moment fully aware and alert..
Mo7amed her husband gave us those lovely jasmines..we put them as bracelets..i can still smell them..as there smell and the sheesha’s added charm to the whole theme..
I think it’s great to appreciate little sweet..special things..
And i think it’s even greater to appreciate sweet people that are willing to embrace you in thier lives as a friend..
Unfortunatly we didn’t stay long..and the goodbye in the parking lot was aching to me..i was about to shed some tears when i thought…no girl!! she’ll think you’re silly!!
I loved you summer..very much and i’m soooooo lucky that i’ve met you..
And when ever i’d see jasmine or smell it…i’ll remeber our sweet jasmine night..
Thank you..

Fluent affection..

What are the chances ??

What are the oddsآ ??آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ  آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ آ 

I believe it’s not much..but i was blessed to have a nice experience that will add to my sweet memories a sweeter one!

Knowing a nice character online and believing that she is genuine is something i experienced over the last few months and is something that i consider a blessing…

but meeting this character for real..eye to eye..and feeling a stream of fluent affection…is an amazing asset to me..because mainly most people think that virtualy you can love someone but it’s a long shot that in reality you’d feel the same..

and being a dreamer..aha..i am..i loved the idea of trusting ones heart to a higher level and yesterday Summerآ was my living proof..

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Me and Enoآ had so7oor with her yesterday and with her nice husband..and let me tell u that the minute i saw her i felt fluent with her..

she is exactly the same as the sweet,simple,understanding and smart woman we all got to know..

I wasn’t talking to a stranger..but to a lady i’ve known quiet well..and instantly we talked and the stream flew..we shared the very jokes and laughes i would share Eno.my closest friend for years now..we understood eachother and i loved how familar and close we all felt..there were no cold moments nor silent ones..fluent affection..

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The place added to me some charm..as we spent the evening by the pool and there was almost no one but us..with little palms and trees and soft lights…a small band was playing in the background and they were different than most bands…they were’nt noisey..they played so soft

They had real good voices and they played my favs..from fairouze..ne7na wel amar jeeran..adeesh kan fee nas..to the recent one that i really like of algasmy..2ool rege3t leeh ya 7abeby!!

i always look at things as a whole..as a picture..and last night was a picture perfect..well..almost:):)

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We had some nice pictures and we talked about our blogs and fellow bloggers..have any of you suffered a whistle in the ear?!hahaha

it was fun!!


Summer and mo7amad were so kind and generous..

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It was hard for us to say goodbye,as we had a great time..but we felt for the lovely couple..they must have wanted to get some sleep..as we left at two am…

We’ll be meeting again insha2 allah..

Come on girls..show me your versions:)

Love you:)آ 

Backstaging ..me!

I went through my very very early posts..and god..have i changed!!

i did..i can see it so clear..but what happened to make me break down..or break free..

What caused the change in me..it is not a surprise..no..it is a hateful discovery..

Sometimes we are illusional about stuff to sedate our souls..sometimes..self confrontation is the hardest task of all..but it’s nessecary..for my full awakening..so i can turn the page..or shred the page..remember this poem??oh..i was suffering back then..but compared to now..i was blessed!!

yes..i admitt..that i am like everyone else..although i never thought that before..i am..

Fool enough to walk right into the pit and not knowing ,yet imagining that life would be a childhood dream…where i am all good..and people are all true..

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I went through my backstages too..oh..i had those backstage feelings stuffed to my throwt..that the minute i wrote them..the minute they got loose..nothing is wrapping me as hard..but..my own backstages!!

A few months ago..when my posts changed..as i changed..i screamed for help in it..andآ i took defeat in it…and i tried to rescue it…and now i’m giving birth to it…again..

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And why would i feel that i have a backstage when i am living it??cause part of me isn’t…the part who hated the mistakes..and regrets the sins..

I feel an enormous amount of truth coming from my eyes right now..i haven’t felt this way for quite sometime..

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I wish i stayed that innocent..that pure and hopefull for a great faithful tomorrow..

I wish i never gave up my place..my call for any wanted dream i strived for..

I wish i wasn’t that intrigueing to what ever saw a chance to seduce me.

I wish i stayed a watcher…not a player..i know i had that coming..and i know it’s my mistake…

I wish i knew that there is no such thing as perfect…you can’t have it all..

I wish i knew that there are no excuses if the caller falls..if the callersآ took care of herself and forgot her role..

I wish i wasn’t that arrogantآ  confessing my sins to me..kept arguing that i’m not and nagging to be looked at as the same pure thing..when i was covered in mud..

I wish i believed what i saw in my mirror..me..not what i saw in other’s lying eyes..

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Oh how i lost..i lost what can never be regained..

And i kept running and taking covers untill i couldn’t run any more..it revealed..

it showed..it showd it’s ugly face ..the naked truth..of what i had and what i became..no need to argue..and proveآ that i was excused..or troubled or bad even..

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And yes..i want it back..i want what i had back..i can’t turn time..and i can’t keep crying over spilled milk…and i can’t change what others think of me..and i can’t stop caring also!!

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What i can do..is ..reclimb that high mountain that i was once on top..safe and sound

take good care of my spirit and look forward..move forward..unattache that infinit chain that kept me runing around in circles with out reaching but the bottom as i try to hold myself together..

I’ll forget about those last few months..and continue from where i want to be not where i ended..maybe then..after days..months or years..i’ll remembre these days and think..

oh..how i won…

maybe i’ll win what is more than just my previous state..

Allah only knows..and luckily for us..that allah’s understanding and mercy can cover us all and forever..with no furthur questioning or blame..he created us and he knows how weak and fragil we are..he knows how helpless we can be..

And he is the powerful who can make things be …instantly…

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12 hour sleep !!!

Couldn’t eat anything ..skipped iftar..Found myself heading to bed..

Felt so tired..as if chained to a thousand pounds of insomniac nights..and the minute i looked at the cieling before closing my eyes..i dreamt……

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A small area near a not so high green mountain…a little beach..the sand was peachy and it smelled like vanilla..the sea was so peaceful and glittery..i looked towards the sun that was approaching the sea surface back there…far..beautiful sunset..purple sky..a very sweet vanilla breeze …beautiful…

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MOM calling:..asking something…i’m half awake and i answered..then put my head again..

instantly relaxing..and falling again..but i lost my sweet dream..it’s gone..

O.k..the crawling comfort is enough..now i should sleep…

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Who said i wanted to get in this plane?..i don’t..but i do wanna go there..maybe i just know it’s wrong and won’t be of any good..

Why am i always a hard headed lady when i want something?! it’s o.kآ  not have it sometimes..is it a quest for me..to prove what?..that i am amazing and great and i would be the best!!

May be they don’t deserve that..let it be..let go..you’ve had enough misery..recieve for a change..

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MOM calling..this time..my heart almost stopped..tried to take my breath in order to answer her..answered…oh my god..i’m tired now..please don’t wake me again..

Ay na3am da mesh noom awe ya3ny…bas…i wanna sleep..deep and just give me sometime and i will..

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Praying…sojood..very close to the ground..almost under my carpet..ask..ask..come on ask…al3afoe ya rab…ask again..anything lively…your dreams…wishes…al3afoe ya rab..

ya salam..zohd ya3ny…ask a great amazing house..a car..the career you dream about..come on..it’ll be true…al3afoe ya rab

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WHAT”Sآ  THIS..besm ellah elra7man elra7eem…my heart is really in pain..really..bombing or war ?huge bombing in the sky and people shouting..ran to my window..FIRE WORKS?? why?? damn..now..i never thought it would be that loud if fired so close..

It is so loud..my heart jumps everytime it goes booom…Then how loud real bombing is?

Kids in palestine and lebanon hear this all the time..they know it’s out to get them…my heart aches more..for all the peaceful people who go through this for real..a tear rolls from sadness…but on my pillow..i’ll sleep…i want to sleep anyway..

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i think in my sleep that i’m sleeping now…oh at last………

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Days to remember….

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**1978…london..

آ آ آ آ  Believe me if i tell you i still remember the games i used to play with that little english naughty boy in the hyde park…i swear i do and i remember mom walking me on london bridge.. i was about three or something!

i used to run away from her in the supermarket all the time..she would cry and cry untill i would return with a bag full of candy baught to me by a sweet lady…so i made a habbit out of it:) they liked me in london…hot blood i guess!!

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**1979…giza..

آ آ آ آ  my last memory of living with dad is so dear to me…he would come back from work near dawn and he would wake me by his very special horn..he would make this lovely sound and i would run to the balconey to see him…the feeling of dew and the foggy skies are still encrypted inside my mind..so so so sweet and i can smell his perfume..i guess back then it was Drakar noir…hahaha..loved dad’s smell..his hobby was to put my hair up in a poney tail but on the top of my head..then wash my face with evian spray and i would giggle as it’s cold..so cold..then he wouldآ give me the biggest hug and sing my song…

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**1985…alexandria..

آ آ آ آ  would open my eyes to the soft sun rays..would go to the terrace to see the seaآ 

آ آ آ آ  and shore..waves hit some rocks and the cars racing madly on the cornish way..with

آ آ آ آ  joggers in colourful out fits running on the pavement..i’d open my lungs with the deepest breath from the sea breeze and getآ  ready for the typical alexandrian day…beach with friends all morning and lunch then back home for an hour then another afternoon walk and mango icecream( al lebnany):) then the park at night for someآ amazing fun..i remember my friends..amal ( alex)..menann ( palestine)..nana ( cairo)..ahmed ( cairo) yasmine and ta7seen (cairo) and i ( alex)..

But jumping into that narrow rockey well called ( beer mas3ood)was the ultimate adventure..i was good at it..i showed off a lot..i used to jump into that deep pit and swim under the wall of rocks and show up from the other side of sea..and my friends would cheer for me..they could all do it..most alexandrians swim very good and can do the beer jump…still..it was thrilling:)

* The first time i went to almorsy abo al3abas mosque…the mom of a friend of mine took me and i felt dazzeled..i just didn’t want to leave the mosque..it was so peaceful and pure…the first time i entered a mosque..i couldn’t understand what she is mumbling in her do3aa2..so i made the same sounds and they meant nothing!!yet..it felt like praying to me.

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**1988…cairo..

آ آ آ آ آ The gang..strikes at school…driving silly teachers crazy…making pranks several times a day..especialy aiming AMEER..he was kind but so silly so we had to had someآ naughty fun..either on silly teachers or ameer..haha..poor ameer..i remember when we put a pin nail in his chair and he sat on it..haha oh my god..shereereen kteer:):)

I will never forget the look on ms/ 3azza’s face when we handed her the exam papers empty….the whole class!!! and we knew the answers!!! it was her last day with us and we partied..we brought koshary andآ basboosa to class and put the lock and the manager kept bangingآ on the doorآ and we are in tears from laughing…high school was the best..oh…so much fun..( i won’t tell u about the day we talked our english teacher into puttingآ آ a dancer’sآ tape in the video room instead of shakespear’s..the tempest…disaster..hahahah)

unfortunatly..i was the master mind:)

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Thanks 7ala for the bunch of memories..i loved it:)

OH..what a naughty girl i was!!

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let’s have fun!!

Let’s have fun…

Let’s have a big laugh..or a heartful shed of tears..

Let’s enjoy the moments of suspence..the scare of thrillers..

Let’s imagin falling in love..romance is sweet..

Let us escape from our own problems and realities..let’s live else where..

Let the music carry us away..fly up high..

Let the scenes of this movie takeآ our breath away..liftآ us up..moveآ our emotions..

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Well..right now i won’t talk about whether i believe in doing all the above or not ..

All i can say is that if anyone wants to do that ..wants to have fun..wants to enjoy himself..

Iآ say..please do that away from religion…

please..leave the only holly thing on earth unstained..

Take your hands off of it..

If you can’t cherish it..don’t contaminate it..

don’t say i didn’t do anything..i didn’t say anything..i’m only watching..

watching is just likeآ participating cause that’s what art is about..

Artists do and we take..we consume..so it’s not o.k at all to feel there’s nothing wrong in enjoying a work of art regardless of it’s religious insults..

How can we realy neglect such angel while watching and may be liking what we see..

there are hundreds of movies and songs that doesn’t insult religion directly..see them and enjoy yourself to the max…

Despite the fact that they also contain all kinds of forbidden actions..and disgusting scenes that we applause to…

I won’t say stick to clean art in order to experience a new wonderfull state of clean heart..

But no ,i don’t wanna be so dark…am i??آ 

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