What’s your wildest dream?

Acting in a Quentin tarantino’s?!

Playing back to back with beckham?

Winning the Nobel prize? a Pulitzer?



What’s your wildest dream?!

You can think of this as a tag or just an old blogger scratching an old fantasy and sharing it with you all…just think back….what?


I’m only in a mood for something so far from all the heartaching serious wild dreams …


My wildest dream is: singing centre stage…Oscar night!






I should’ve known those…to keep me sane today!

Dearest Jerusalem stirred this and as i take another look at it today…well, yes, I would’ve loved to know those to skip the struggle now.

  1. Remember the target i set last week to loose the 20 kg…belmonasba ya3ni today is the weigh in and i lost 4 kg and I’m thrilled for that…guess what? I’m not even gonna treat me something yummy for the achievement…no no, I’m only gonna commit to more exercise which brings me back to the first thing i shouldve known before i turned 18: NEVER take your teen metabolism for granted. Exercising your way up to the thirties make you feel healthy and beautiful and ageless.

  2. You don’t have to sacrifice something that you love for anyone. If your passion is music or writing or hiking or whatever, you can be what youآ wantآ and be with whoever you want while continuing to do what you love.

  3. Take lots of pictures, have lots of friends, take every trip possible,آ try every type of food but slow down on the guys thing…not that big a deal.

  4. Read very mature and sophisticated books but behave as naughty as a child…don’t over do the grown up look and behavior…grown ups don’t like it anyway!

  5. Perfect Love stories areآ a myth!!آ clear and simple…

  6. oh, one more thing, perfect love stories are a MYTH!

آ Now I’m tagging 7ala, fantasia, That guy,آ Summer, Fadi K, Gooogآ and Mais*

Guys, feel free to skipp 🙂

Thanks for jeru 🙂



1.5 gm of sedative

Listening to the zafeer ensemble (featured in my Music Box…please tune to it before reading this) took meآ back to every walk i took alone in a winter night in a place i never beenآ  before…

I felt that in different cities in Egypt and abroad but I remembered that walk i took in Paris several years ago…


Enjoying the winter cold with a few drops of rain…slightly scared of walking alone and getting lost…feeling lonely and wishing if i were hand in hand with someone i haven’t met yet…knowing the Parisian flavor running in my senses yet oriental to the core…smiling at the Algerianآ trio who were playing some music similar to this …they don’t feel my existence yet i know they needed my francs…the pavement was their stage and they looked like they bonded with the sky some how…great music they played, the sax , drums and guitar…I walked away thinking of their story…wondering…I thought of my story and for a second i felt furious that no one felt me…i wished someone would stop me and ask me to tell my story…the universe felt so big and i felt so tiny but again each one relates in this life as if he’s the universe…as if he’s bigger than life it self when really we play by its rules…the beats of the drums are the beats of every heart in this world…the strings of those guitars are each vein in each bodyآ vibrates pain and joy…and when the music pauses a life ends and when the violin starts to sound sad…another life is born…and each one of us tries to make a note…a high pitched flawless tune to signify his unique existence…sad enough the universe doesn’t care about my singing…not until the lack of love fades away into the ultimate human harmony i seek…and you seek…

The need is continuous…the need of someone with a pounding heart to warm your heart and your bed…it’s how we are made…needy of the other spirit that fills the void of our spirit…just like we need steamy delicious mouth watering bundles of joy called food to fill the void in our stomach…


I approach the hotel and i could hear my own heavy breath and the echo of my foot steps…but again i could hear a couple more feet steps behind me…the adrenalin goes up…I’m scared to look back so i walk faster and the hotel sign by the end of the street seem so distant…i feel theآ can of mace in my pocket as i hear a couple of menآ speeding to come closer…i look back to see them whispering to each other and laughing while they were looking at me and coming closer….i reach the hotel to find the door locked with thick iron bars that i didn’t see before….i waved at the guy at the reception and he came smiling towards the door…i look behind my shoulder to see the guys smiling and waving at me with words i couldn’t hear but i got the meaning…they knew i was scared so they were just teasing me and finally they said : bonsoir belle!


I laughed nervously trying to control my breath as my heart was pounding so hard…the receptionist finally pressed on a button and the iron bars went automatically up and the door was opened…i asked him in English…why was that for?? he said that the police station informed them that tow burglars were on the run….My mouth dropped and i said : but we’re in the heart of Paris and the champs eleses is a few steps away…this is a great neighborhood…he answered: that’s irrelevant….would you like me to order you some hot chocolate?

I smiled and said: yes thank you…I’ll be having that in the garden right by the pool…

I walked to a nice spot…sat down and looked up to the sky…it wasآ very dark blue as the silver shades of the moon glittered it…I thought of god and i started speaking to him a silent talk…with my eyes gazing at a star above that shined next to the moon…i rested my head back on the chair and thought:

You see and know all what is happening from me and to me…you gave me a chance after a chance…you saw the nights i spent dancing and the nights i spent crying and praying to you…i didn’t forget you while i was dancing ..i just chose to ignore a certain feeling…you know what no one else knows and what i can’t admit and most of all what I’ve chosen to forget…you know what will happen to me…but, you know i love you…i fear you but i love you…I know where i go wrong…i know the right and i choose to ignore it and sin…but i know you have mercy and tolerance to give me one more chance each and every time i fall…do i deserve to go to hell?? do i deserve to go to heaven?? is it scary to not live anymore…not to exist…not to be?? is it a silent end…is it full of fire and screams…would it matter if i say that I DON”T WANNA DIE??

I’ve been touched by your blessings and I’ve been showered by your mercy and once i was full of faith then again i was once dehydrated from any glimpse of realization of faith…but i love you and i run to you with my heart if not with my prayer when I’m happy or terrified…


The hot chocolate comes and i hold the cup with both hands striving for some warmth …

I keep hearing the tunes played by the Algerians i saw down the street minutes ago…i wish i gave them more francs for the beautiful music i still enjoy…I wish i could go out again and walk again and wonder about the stories untold in every passing eyes…i wish i could find someone to tell my story to…I’m not the universe toآ the worldآ …but I’m still mad no one is there to fill the void in my heart…