Apparently, i’m being attracted to listen to words of wisdom like the good old days.
Maybe the post divorce trial and error/ learning phase is evolving into a more peaceful state of the heart and i am open again to re direct my soul to what really matters and what is truly valuable.
I’ve always seen my faults…never hidden them from myself and never created a false identity just to keep my silliness and mistakes within my comfort zone…maybe that is why i never found it hard to say I’m sorry to people i may have hurt…and i never found it far to apologize to Allah for a sin I’ve committed…but i always found it hard to return to track after messing up…I’m a good judge of myself and never delusional about my virtues nor my faults.
But i am edgy…i am arrogant at times and my pride and strength never hide or fail to hit if i was ever attacked…i believe i have a kind heart and i know when to forgive and when to give other chances even when i disagree with people’s common sense…i take risks fully aware of the chances.
I am proud…and my pride has been something i praise myself for…i have the ability to take things more far than what normal sane people might.
but it has been a while since i listened to the real meaning of pride…the real proof of integrity…it has been a while since i let people’s interpretations and standards subside and listen to what the essence of life has to say about my virtues…and to my surprise…my heart was touched and i felt a tremendous amount of tenderness towards the world…kindness and compassion towards people…and towards my poor weak self.
A wise man said: let us count the dangers and risks that could harm us in the world…if we would, we’d find them countless…and terrifying…how hundreds if not thousands of types of harm that could test our abilities…that would proof how helpless, fragile and weak we are…how needy and dependant…how shallow and lying we are when we claim we have powers…when we claim we are better in anything than anyone…fact is, any type of advantage any of us might have is a mere blessing and gift from Allah…even the ability to speak well, think smart or be successful…it is a gift from Allah that was given to us…that was maintained in our favor …
Pride we should be…but the kind of pride that is supplied from our confession that Allah the gracious blessed us with it.
We were nothing before we were born…it was him who sculpted our features and carved our own existence…it is him who keeps blessing us despite our constant challenge to his will and to his rules…
Did i earn my pride? was it from the right source? Is my pride a lie? is it dooming like the devil’s?Do i use it in the right place? Do i give back?Do i do good to the world? Has it been me and only me that concerns me?
What i am sure about is that full happiness and comfort and peace will never be granted to self centered brats who enjoy being far from e true meaning of life…far from Allah’s path…far from the truth.
Allauma 3afena wa e3fo 3anna wa afhemna…