And i understood what he meant…

and a young man approached me…he acted nice and humble…ran to serve me and brought me water as he saw how thirsty and tired i was because of the long trip…he sat near me and looked at me with sad eyes asking to confess…I tried to explain that i maybe priest but i never let anyone confess to me…i tried to excuse myself but his tears convinced me and i heard his confession…he kept explaining in details and in great pleasure how he committed every queer kind of adultery…his crying humble eyes turned to devilish weird ones…as if he found great joy in contaminating my thoughts…i kept asking him to stop…he wouldn’t…but added more sick details about sick sexual sins…i walked away and didn’t look back and he kept running after me telling me more and more and more and i had to speed to escape his evil words and visions and before he let go he shouted: why don’t you want to hear about the pleasures you deprive your self?!!

I ran to the pope and kneel in front of him telling him about that weird white soft young man who seemed more like women and told him just a bit of what i heard…he told me: Dear son, a form of devil he was…3azazeel does that to mock our celibacy and turn on forbidden lust in us…go pray my son and remember never to be fooled from devil’s tricks…may god save us.

That was from the novel 3azazeel (excuse the poor translation)…i read that part and more last night and remembered how back in the days and while discussing faith with my friends we used to pray: Allah, we ask you to save us from the devil and his followers from humans and jaan.

yes, the devil takes many forms to try make us slip…he doesn’t go to a pub…but he waits for people outside masajed…he knows how we sometimes get hungry for a sin and it’s forbidden pleasure and instead of letting us figure out the harms and regret we feel afterwards and choose otherwise…he fuels our souls with thoughts of joy and fun and desire.

That novel took place in a convent in the fourth century…now…don’t we all have similar visits from the devil who speaks about what we desire most?!!

Do we all have the strength to shut our ears, look the other way and walk away??!!

At many times in my life i didn’t shut my ears nor my eyes and i entered the trap willingly…at those times…i had no other sound in me to drag me away or even offer a righteous thought…

Now i feel differently…see differently…and i wonder, do we choose the emotional and spiritual state we’re in?

Do I get to choose whether I’m ready to walk away or not?

Do i like the fact that I’m not trapped any more?

I have no precise answer to any of those question…but i know one simple thing, I’m glad i don’t hear 3azazeel nor obey him…period!!