It is not what you say, It’s how you say it.

As a little girl, I was always accused of being blunt, sharp and sometimes rude.

I remember my mom trying to convince me not to speak in a “disrespectful” way or discuss grown up matters…I remember trying so hard to figure out where did i go wrong…I tried very hard and sincerely to know my mistake, and i would repeat my words back in my head to just find a clue…and nothing…i was totally convinced that my mom is over reacting and that she identifies bold opinions as rudeness.

For a long time during my childhood and adolescence i was almost hated for my “tongue”.

I would say stuff like: “no aunt H. you shouldn’t travel abroad and leave your one year old daughter just to stalk your husband…you can’t even afford it…how could you leave a baby like that?!”

I would say that while I’m totally convinced I’m right…as a principle i still till this day believe i got it right.

I’m sure i had an unintentional disgusted/disappointed shocked look on my face…and I’m sure my aunt never took it well from me, i was 14 at the time.

My mom almost hit me with the vase then…and my aunt replied: your rudeness is unacceptable and your edgy opinions will cause you troubles when you grow up.

She, then, went ahead and took the cash from my mom, left her baby with us (guess who had to baby sit 24/7) and travelled to Europe to check on her husband’s “manners” and returned almost broken hearted WITH NO SOLID REASON WHAT SO EVER!

As I grew up a little more and exactly after i finished high school, i started to tone it down again unintentionally…i found my self attracted to dealing just like my lovable mom…she has always been THE KIND, THE CLASSY, THE LOVABLE to everyone in my family and among the few friends we had…I wanted to be loved like her…yet, i was still booed every time i stated an opinion…and i finally asked my mom: Do you expect me not to have any opposing opinion at all?? If that is the case I’m sorry to disappoint you but i could never call it anything but what it really is!

She explained: It is not what you say, it is how you say it…you can tell me good morning in a nice meaningful way and you can say the exact words and make me feel like i was hit by a bus.

I tried to defend myself… that i never mean to hurt anyone but i admitted that i can’t hide my resentment from the amount of lies people live in and say all the time.

As years went by and my personal life mistakes grew…my spell reversed and hit me in the face…I was bluntly met by the edgy sharp true opinions…it hurt me a lot and i was forced to reconsider my ways.

I couldn’t shake off my belief of stating the truth as i see it.

I just smoothed the method with showing my sincere love and care for the person I’m talking to.

I try not to be rude…I try not to lie…I try not to say stuff in a demeaning way…I stick to the facts i see.

I never tell an ugly person: YOU ARE  UGLY! except if i say it out of pain because he’s inflected hurt upon me…I say that and more as i express all the anger and hurt instantly.

If someone asked for my opinion on a dress…I never say that it makes her fat or short or show major dislike of it…I just look at her with love and care and those help me see the beauty in her so i state that the dress is OK as long as she likes it, yet,  i refer to a better option…if i cared enough i would search for what would make her prettier…and most of the time i care enough… so, i wouldn’t devalue what she already wears but I’d help her be the best.

And people feel when i mean good…i admit it’s harder for girls to feel the genuine care from another girl, as jealousy is for the majority of girls a second nature. most girls hate to share beauty tips, like to always be steps ahead from each other, a girl would always find her friend’s boy more attractive than hers…women are a show off by nature and they create competition although they hate it…but, i believe true feelings and sincerity always reach through.

Shutting up was never an option for me…I feel that holding back opinions is offensive and an act of cowardness to say the least.

No one can go wrong if they have a clean intention and a nice way to put it…

Of course the definition of nice can vary from someone to the other…my definition of it is: try not hurt the ego, try not devalue the person, try not to use profanity (i admit that one has been hard on me in several occasions), NO gloating, admit that you’re human and you could be mistaken (even if you’re like me, arrogant and really believe you’re right 99% of the times), use kinder vocabulary when you are addressing your friend.

Being nice doesn’t contain lies, acting, deception, acting cold or indifferent.

I maintain my right to my sharp tongue…but i also declare my care, kindness and clean intentions.

I may have lost a few fans in my earlier years, but as i grew up, I never wanted a big number…one or two always felt more than enough.

I love the new season

I love how  new seasons from my favorite TV shows have started or are about to start.

It’s fall already and winter is around the corner and kids will be back to school next week…such TV routines compliment the school short days and long nights.

I love to follow the story line through a new phase…I love the routine of waiting for each new episode…I love how aspects of the characters unfold…How they change and why.

If you think “It is fiction for god’ sake”, I tell you that i agree…but i like it 🙂

I follow Grey’s anatomy, Dexter and The good wife…totally different types i know.

Today i watched the first episode of Grey’s anatomy season 7…It was bold…it showed severe changes in the main characters after a life changing dilemma that happened last season.

I won’t reveal the changes here, but i’ll definitely express my great satisfaction to some.

I felt familiar with the “change” as a concept hard to accept …i related to how change unravels essential needs in us…and how it is a major sign of maturity and learning.

And again, I admire the great friendship/ relationship between Meredeth and Christina…I am envious actually.

I related to the whole moral of the episode and it brought too many thoughts.

Change: something i did my best to escape from most of my life…the very first signs of change used to freak me out…i was always comforted by routine…till it choked me…till i grew to realize how change may mean maturity and wisdom…how it holds the correcting decisions that could actually save our lives…how it carries all the lessons and creativity gained after experiences…how it is essential to heal…to grow…to explore…to discover new or greater aspects within our soul…abilities strong enough to build new existences.

The weak who needs to be strong…the fierce who needs to attain delicacy…the chaotic who needs order…the wild who needs discipline…the sick who needs healing.

All those need change.

Change is a bliss…whether it was forced on us or by choice….whether it was a reaction to a catastrophic incident or a logic smooth turn of the tide.

Forced change or change after hardships is despised by almost everyone…but hey, it is the necessary obligation to learn new skills and master our talent to survive.

I grew to accept it…sometimes strive for it.

my only concern builds up when i look back at things i’ve done…trivials that were totally unnecessary and meaningless yet it affected my self esteem or true value…I then regret being so caught up in the corn flakes of life.

I regret doing the small mistakes…mistakes that changed how i look in the eyes of some or how i really wanted to feel or how i communicate with others or distorted who i really am…mistakes that changed me briefly yet affected me deeply.

Even the little things make me bitter for how senseless i was as a time…you know, people i shouldn’t have known…roads i shouldn’t have taken…cigarettes i shouldn’t have smoked…styles i shouldn’t have dressed…the whole “i wanna appear” mode…the painful “i wanna be loved” seizures…the disgusting “i wanna be THE WOMAN” tantrum…the tiniest of things manage to be a thorn in my throat now when i look back at how i poorly behaved…

and yes, that is because i am done with blaming every living soul for my misfortunes (to say the least).

The vicious circle called “It’s because of what he/she did to me”…the disabling pity hole called blame…it ate me alive for years i tell you…and i couldn’t progress one single step ahead until i admitted that i may not be responsible for my childhood mess, but i am damn responsible for every single step i’ve taken since i grew up…and it is my mess i need to clear the most…not anyone else’s inflicted shit.

I am doing my very best not to take off the safety helmet again…i am doing my best to change positively.

I am really hopeful these days…

I am really in need to pray and in need of prayers.

and i realize how long/hard a post that is regarding TV shows…i am laughing ahoh 😀

Even!

If life is a game, then the score is essential.

If karma is the real deal, then it’s important to count my deeds.

If what goes around comes around, then I better examine what I give and take carefully.

Well, a couple of days ago I lost a friend…

The very next day I ran into a childhood best friend that I lost track of several years ago…

I pay for my occasional self centeredness and my poor choices all the time.

I am fine with that.

Really, I am thankful.

A small announcement to make

New blog called أكل عيش

Theme: work related sarcastic stories…ways people earn money with…ways people earn money from…the day to day Egyptian office madness from a very personal point of view.

Why a third blog after this one and the Arabic short stories قصص بالهمزة ?

Because i have many one themed stories in mind and i want them some place of their own…and because I’ve been putting much effort into writing recently Hence I’m taking it more seriously (trying to publish a book)…and because i feel like it 🙂

Can we stand up for cancer?

We all know about the Stand up for cancer 2010 event, i guess.

An amazing event where many many movie, TV, music and sport stars speak to help raise funds for more research to find more cures to cancer.

Stars like George clooney, Will smith, Christina applegate, Denzel Washington, Stevie Wonder and many more participated on that non commercial telecast for one hour on most TV channels in the US to raise money.

for the last two years, the same event has been raising up to a 100 million$ for cancer research.

Ok, that is beautiful…but you gotta think…

Do we “Egyptians” research? and if we do, do we get enough money to help us research? does the government embrace and facilitate research?

My answer is that i am almost positive that the funds employed by the government for research doesn’t help a cockroach research about the sewers!!

Do we stand up for cancer?

Can we raise money for such IMPORTANT research using some other way but the famous stadium concerts?

not that anything is wrong with that other than the number of donation raised on such event will be from several thousands of people not from millions of the Egyptian people…

Could the national television accept to air an hour of TV broadcast free of charge to call for such donations…so the whole population can donate as little as 1 pound or as big as millions to fund such researches?May be ask various types of artist to each make a minute or two act/ song/ speech to back up the cause so that the fans for each artist would be intrigued to help…

I don’t have to answer…I am merely inviting some institute or ministry within the government to make such an initiative…

I applaud the Stand up for cancer organization and I really hope we could follow the idea and make some good ourselves…