As a little girl, I was always accused of being blunt, sharp and sometimes rude.
I remember my mom trying to convince me not to speak in a “disrespectful” way or discuss grown up matters…I remember trying so hard to figure out where did i go wrong…I tried very hard and sincerely to know my mistake, and i would repeat my words back in my head to just find a clue…and nothing…i was totally convinced that my mom is over reacting and that she identifies bold opinions as rudeness.
For a long time during my childhood and adolescence i was almost hated for my “tongue”.
I would say stuff like: “no aunt H. you shouldn’t travel abroad and leave your one year old daughter just to stalk your husband…you can’t even afford it…how could you leave a baby like that?!”
I would say that while I’m totally convinced I’m right…as a principle i still till this day believe i got it right.
I’m sure i had an unintentional disgusted/disappointed shocked look on my face…and I’m sure my aunt never took it well from me, i was 14 at the time.
My mom almost hit me with the vase then…and my aunt replied: your rudeness is unacceptable and your edgy opinions will cause you troubles when you grow up.
She, then, went ahead and took the cash from my mom, left her baby with us (guess who had to baby sit 24/7) and travelled to Europe to check on her husband’s “manners” and returned almost broken hearted WITH NO SOLID REASON WHAT SO EVER!
As I grew up a little more and exactly after i finished high school, i started to tone it down again unintentionally…i found my self attracted to dealing just like my lovable mom…she has always been THE KIND, THE CLASSY, THE LOVABLE to everyone in my family and among the few friends we had…I wanted to be loved like her…yet, i was still booed every time i stated an opinion…and i finally asked my mom: Do you expect me not to have any opposing opinion at all?? If that is the case I’m sorry to disappoint you but i could never call it anything but what it really is!
She explained: It is not what you say, it is how you say it…you can tell me good morning in a nice meaningful way and you can say the exact words and make me feel like i was hit by a bus.
I tried to defend myself… that i never mean to hurt anyone but i admitted that i can’t hide my resentment from the amount of lies people live in and say all the time.
As years went by and my personal life mistakes grew…my spell reversed and hit me in the face…I was bluntly met by the edgy sharp true opinions…it hurt me a lot and i was forced to reconsider my ways.
I couldn’t shake off my belief of stating the truth as i see it.
I just smoothed the method with showing my sincere love and care for the person I’m talking to.
I try not to be rude…I try not to lie…I try not to say stuff in a demeaning way…I stick to the facts i see.
I never tell an ugly person: YOU ARE UGLY! except if i say it out of pain because he’s inflected hurt upon me…I say that and more as i express all the anger and hurt instantly.
If someone asked for my opinion on a dress…I never say that it makes her fat or short or show major dislike of it…I just look at her with love and care and those help me see the beauty in her so i state that the dress is OK as long as she likes it, yet, i refer to a better option…if i cared enough i would search for what would make her prettier…and most of the time i care enough… so, i wouldn’t devalue what she already wears but I’d help her be the best.
And people feel when i mean good…i admit it’s harder for girls to feel the genuine care from another girl, as jealousy is for the majority of girls a second nature. most girls hate to share beauty tips, like to always be steps ahead from each other, a girl would always find her friend’s boy more attractive than hers…women are a show off by nature and they create competition although they hate it…but, i believe true feelings and sincerity always reach through.
Shutting up was never an option for me…I feel that holding back opinions is offensive and an act of cowardness to say the least.
No one can go wrong if they have a clean intention and a nice way to put it…
Of course the definition of nice can vary from someone to the other…my definition of it is: try not hurt the ego, try not devalue the person, try not to use profanity (i admit that one has been hard on me in several occasions), NO gloating, admit that you’re human and you could be mistaken (even if you’re like me, arrogant and really believe you’re right 99% of the times), use kinder vocabulary when you are addressing your friend.
Being nice doesn’t contain lies, acting, deception, acting cold or indifferent.
I maintain my right to my sharp tongue…but i also declare my care, kindness and clean intentions.
I may have lost a few fans in my earlier years, but as i grew up, I never wanted a big number…one or two always felt more than enough.