I was never good at identifying the difference between anchors and obstacles.
I just focused on comfort…very short intervals of comforted time…something that would ease the pain…distract from the hurt…retrieves false dignity to my stained ego.
I can’t remember when have the situation altered for me or when have i started to see a difference…but it did…not so long ago.
I can see now what is really an anchor and what is really an obstacle, therefore i can now spot the difference.
I kinda wonder -at the same time- how long will this clarity last…this is how hard it worries me that i lose sight of the truth…the good truth…not the truth i always asked for, the truth about others…no, life truths.
The anchor grounds your values, maintain your passion, helps you achieve goals, keeps you humble (aha, i realized as well that arrogance is just a cover we use to shield our vulnerability) keeps you in love with purity, makes you identify deceptive ideas, desires and actions…makes you stable, at peace, rooted, eases smart choice making, helps you be organized, makes you love your responsibilities, no sin is an anchor…anchors are meant to satisfy us.
The obstacle drags you down, makes bad stuff appear attractive, makes you sell your self short to the nearest available buyer, disables you, numbs you, wastes your time, erodes your valuables, makes you let go of your authenticity, makes you see nothing but “It”, maximize the number of lies in your life, exaggerates all the troubles and hurt, magnifies deficiencies, makes you delusional, devalues your own value, makes you dread every obligation, makes you wanna let go of what really matters, every sin is an obstacles…obstacles ruin lives.
The difference is not really that hard to see…actually, it is a fact of life that was meant to be obvious, so what blinds us and make us act, think and feel is a way that is purely making us worse?
Ignorance and stubbornness.
I may not know if i have a problem, but the minute i know i should act on fixing it not just give in to it regardless of the danger i see my self slip into…
I got my self so consumed in the “feeling good” mill that i lost all senses and even lost any decent amount of feeling good…aha, pain killers may work at the beginning but as time goes by i may become chronically sick and a disability to advantage from pain killers.
Pain is part of the living process…as for love and fear and faith.
I can’t take a knife and put it in my heart to make the pain go away.
This is not why Allah created us…to live a pointless life that ends with us taking our own lives, whether metaphorically or actually.
I don’t know what can i do to keep my eyes wide open and keep my heart striving and keep my mind sharp with all the truth i could handle.
All i know is, i FEEL my soul alive when i realize the truth.