I never knew that i had the ability to shield myself, suppress my fear and set aside my worries for months and months.
I talked about my issues… but i never allowed them to hurt me…I never allowed myself to be vulnerable or to panic…I had a shield of steel that preserved my emotions…I never realized i had that in me.
Till last night…When the shield was broken by a sharp sting of hurt and the tears started to flood and i couldn’t stop it…not untill i fell asleep crying.
It hurts to be faced by that tremendous amount of fear all at once…and it hurt to cry…i really ached…my heart, my chest and my head…they all ached.
I woke up 5 hours later with an incredible need to continue the crying…to let out the tears that were buried for months…and the need to pray.
It finally hit me…Admitting to fear hurts…bad…but, I am now feeling truly like a faithful in need of the Almighty’s kindness.
And now that it is all nude, exposed, down and raw in front of my eyes.
All the fear and the insecurities are laying there naked infront of me.
I will deal…i won’t drift away from it…