2011- Revolutionary year!

January has always been the month where all the slow things begin.

It is the first month of the slow year…slow motivation…slow actions.

but not any more…not to me personally and not to my country.

Last year, i posted how i despised and resented my beloved country for the first time…how i felt alienated and unprivileged in it…how i wanted to relocate to some other land.

Well…Now, it is a TOTALLY different story…now i have hope…now i can love Egypt again, like i always did all my life…now i can feel how closely do i belong, just like i felt all my life…now i can’t imagine being anywhere else, just like i have always since i was a child.

It has been a really long time since we had hope that life could be different…

It has been ages, as the ast time other countries looked at Egyptians with pride instead of the humiliating look they give us, was back in history and before i was born.

It has been ages since we’ve shown the kind of power we have shown in the last few days.

I wish i could marsh and shout and beat and get beaten…but for the two times i’ve moved towards the protest, i moved late and unorganized that i had nothing there to do but help with news, attempt to help protestors or merely just be there sharing or being close if my help was needed…

And during that time i found too many extreme mixed feelings…maternal feelings towards kids left at home… feelings towards friends with me whom i care for their safety…fear from the force…HATE towards force…solidarity with Egyptians…enthusiasm set on fire…and to my surprise i kept picturing myself attacking soldiers or thugs, but i didn’t…and i kept visualizing colors of brutality inflicted upon me by people in my personal life…and i felt the same resentment and hate…as if personal pain is personified in the forces down town Cairo…

All the ache, pain, hate and resentment i felt in my life had another mirrored form in the ache, pain, hate and resentment i felt while seeing and being among the protestors fleeing from tear gas bombs and gun shots…the amounts of security forces dressed in black with their shields and helmets were the manifestation of the demons responsible for every pain i went through…

As evil is from the same origin…cause formes of harm…cause formes of hate…and cause formes of REVOLUTION.

young men got beaten in front of my eyes…young men were detained in front of my eyes…and police thugs moved calmly in their casual outfits among thousands of people and we could spot them…we identified them by the monstrous look on their faces.

January 25th and 26th were two days that reformed the Egyptian life and rewrote the Egyptian modern history…and I got to live it and witness it and participate with a minor shade…a shade more sheer than pale white…but at least  i was there…

I was there and many weren’t…Many were lame and cold..Many were too numb to feel or react…Many lost hope and couldn’t see the hope in the revolution…many are drowning themselves to death in self loathing.

Many didn’t get the beating Amr Salama took, nor shouted like Amr waked shouted….Many weren’t detained like Basil Fateen (writer), Many didn’t inhale tear gas like I and my friends along with thousands of Egyptians have…Many weren’t chased down the streets and Many didn’t take rubber bullets and were injured or even dead…

If only 1/80 from the population got down to the streets…this country would have the freedom we seek…and,

Change has always been scary for me…as i have always loved to have security and stability…but now i know…that change is like giving birth…it might be hard and painful…but always promising and vibrant and full of life.

2011…is a good year…keep surprising me please…personally and nationally.

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One thought on “2011- Revolutionary year!

  1. it’s like a cycle !
    as you felt the shame last year, I feel it now,
    as you felt the pride of Palestine, I’m covering my scars with yours !
    Allah Ywafe2kom, we Ysaberkom…
    heek bekoon the ultimate wa5adan el bal 😛

    Like

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