Sometimes it feels lonely in the ethical world.
Sometimes, I and many others i know feel lonely as we practice our beliefs because we feel better about ourselves while we do…yet some other people might see these beliefs as unrealistic, unnecessary or just weird.
We live anyway, feel proud anyway, brag about our ideals anyway.
Sometimes we fail our own beliefs but because we are already familiar with them we would always reach a point where we remorse and retreat back to a higher bar of values, that would make us feel good about ourselves again.
I, like many, when i embrace values that are not so common among the -modern society- i feel lonely sometimes…but the most refreshing thing happened to me the other day.
Let me take you back to the Summer of 1996…I was in my last college year (studied Law btw) and my Lebanese hunk of a cousin came to visit Egypt for 18 days…His mother is Egyptian so he had a nice humor and a special machoism added to his gorgeous appearance.
a few days later something just clicked and we had a super summer -totally innocent- crush ever!
He extended his visit to be one month then returned to Beirut.
We both discovered later on that a proposal was fought big time within the family…
I got married and each of us lead his different life…only a family call or email here or there kept us in touch every couple of years…but one day, about a year ago and while i was married, he decided to call me…he was emotional…I apologised politely as i felt against talking to someone i had any sort of history with while i’m married…time passed…I got my divorce and just the other day he knew from his mom so he called…we talked a nice welad khalah conversation and suddenly he said: I want to express my total respect for you…Because you were truly exceptional refusing to receive my emotional call although I AM YOUR COUSIN out of respect for your husband.
My smile was so big my cheeks hurt…MEN GET IT!! someone thinks my too much cautious is respectful…someone recognizes a value so alien today i am called mo3aqada because of.
Men respect the respectful…they read the gestures…they value the valuable.
Men, might seem OK and encouraging when we want to lose it with them and get involved in any habal…that’s because they react to an open invitation that instincly they can’t refuse and of course they’ll say and do anything to get it.
It was not a big thing…it was just a phone call…but the rule was clear in my head…the mere presence of a husband was a clear criteria for me.
Speaking of which…Women, as mo3aqadeen as i am get those 3o2ad from a very special place in their lives btw…I am speaking of mature independent women, we aren’t born with values and we have out grown the strict fatherly cocoon that keep us safe.
We have simply gotten ourselves burned/or watched closely a loved one doing it at some point by false concepts and delusional modern dreamy sweet talk that attempted to rip the dignity and coat it with a short-term delicious sin…that burn is the base that we build a strong life path upon and a solid set of values on.
We all burn ourselves and we all allow others to hurt us at some point of our lives…but only the proud…the graceful…and the authentic know when to face the hurt and build a new vision with it.
In the phone call, I have wished my cousin the best in life…He wished me the same and we hung up as friends…no emotions were there, at least from my side…nothing but a sweet memory and a lovely recognition.
And it may feel alone in the -good world- but the time will come when something refreshing will happen and all the alienation will feel sooooooo worth it.