groups or not!

A group…Apparently everything in life is bound to form groups.

Life is run by a group of people with mutual interests to make the biggest fortunes sucking people’s blood.

In politics, there are groups within a government…groups within a political party…and groups within ministries.

In businesses, there are groups within the company…groups within the departments…and freakin’ groups within the groups.

It is driving me crazy…I am not a group person…I may like someone in particular and do my best never let that show at work, like that girl who was my assistant in my old company…I LOVED her…she was so kind, so pure like babies and so good at work…she was amazing…I supported her fully while always trying to be fair and objective.

I am not a group person…I am a company person…some colleagues like me and some hate me and I go along just fine with both.

And when someone like me joins an online business/professional group it becomes a true challenge…especially if the group creator is a narcissist bitch…A group admin who never allows anyone to disagree or question the GREAT experienced creator…A group admin who’d reply to a counter opinion in bold red letters that it feels like a bull is running after you :S

I lose my mind easily when I’m annoyed by arrogance; that filthy human behavior that people confuse as pride or strength.

Socially b2a, I blend smoothly in groups but I don’t approach that…or let me say , I never attempted to approach that…I am a one to one person…I love to give from my heart and love to receive truthfully without the influence of a spectator.

Yet, going out with two or three friends is so much fun so I do it rarely but with the RIGHT company that will not ruin the good time for me.

How? Well, girls could relate to the following:

–          When you are having a great time with friends and you say something funny so they laugh then a specific girl would comment: why you laughing, that was a line from a movie.

–          When you are having dinner with friends, then accidentally go to the rest room to find two of your friends gossiping about you in there.

–          When you see the look, the meaningful mean look one of the girls gives the other to draw her attention to something you are wearing or something you just said.

–          When a girl can’t take a joke and tet2emes and ruins the whole outing by ranting so that everyone would spend the evening pampering her.

–          Or when some girl decides to be funny on your expense, so she would tehreeky tarya2a.

–          OR…elkebeera b2a, would teltosh bremark semaweya then when your face changes she would say: eh?? Bahazar…friends beyhazaro 3ady alla!!

Yeah…girls do that…not all of them but it is very likely for at least one incident of those mentioned above to happen within a group.

So, I am not a group person…I like individuals…and every other year I get the urge of knowing new friends…like these days…I have the urge and I am knowing new people of  a certain criteria while cherishing and treasuring my precious old friends.

Which leads me to another related point…I want…I NEED new female friends…most of my best friends are guys…so much easier to be friends with a guy…we get along instantly if he has three things: intelligence, sense of humor and respect.

But…I need the female bond…I have been a loaner for quite some time now and I was humble in my expectations so I didn’t allow myself to seek or even be there for friends to seek me.

so…my quest now is to open up and allow myself to enjoy new female friends.

I don’t know about groups yet…as except for the book club which i absolutely love and adore, i was never in a group…but…I am open for attractive suggestions and I promise my full devotion.

A message to friends and friends of friends…

Friends and friends of friends in arab countries like Palestine, Lebanon, Jordan and other countries….

I was puzzled and slightly sad of some reactions towards the current situation in egypt.

My emotions are totally stressed and inflamed so i won’t talk much but rather state my concern straight to the point.

On face book…on blogs…on twitter…some of you and some of your friends reacted in one or many of the following responses:

– a complete cold shoulder and ignoring the subject.

– saying: we have no business in the egyptian business…khaleena fe 7alna.

– mocking the situation…some insulted Egyptians calling the lame or copying Tunis.

– some gloated.

– some blamed their friends for taking a stand or showing heart and compassion to egyptian freedom.

It was hurtful and left me puzzled and asking myself why…

If it’s because the egyptian government played against their causes and screwed their countries, well…yeah it happened but it happened from the very government we are rebelling against…not from the people…on the contrary…when plastanians suffer from their internal situation on daily basis every egyptian support them and we cry blood instead of tears for them…during the Lebanon war and also for Iraq…egyptians demonstarted for them and we would watch the news and cry because we can’t help…and because our government is lame…so…guys around arab countries…egyptian epople was never an enemy…if it’s because you hate egyptian people lelah fe lelah…then ok, at least support freedom as a meaning…

Doesn’t it inspire you?

five years ago i received more than a 100 comment on my jeeran blog supporting me when i was in a painful personal situation!!

five weeks ago bloggers gathered from every country to celebrate the good old blogging days….and now…when millons of people are rebelling against corruption, brutality and injustice…people mention it shamefully or not support it at all.

Anyway…as sad as i am…I am also proud of my courageous friends who call me for support…take the heat from their friends when they speak highly of my revolution…or chose to have a stated opinion rather than a silent one!

Kids are raising us, actually!

So, everyone’s basic story…they wanna fall in love, get engaged, their families would fight over silly stuff, they go pick the furniture, try to skip the curtain’s expenses, pay them and more after all, get the TV set, find a perfect gown, pick the matching bow tie, seek a nice 3rd degree singer, the camera man flashes his lights till dawn, they go to their room….and BANG!

Life begins…

And…in a few months a life begins kicking…

Well, everyone would hold a secret wish for the favorite gender…mommy would want a pink little doll to dress up and do her hair…daddy would want a little footballer to shout at matches with…grannies would pray for twins…to get it over with and have both genders and double joy…lots of baby shopping…lots of baby kicks…lots of screams and lots of money to pay and diapers to change and burbing to bat out of their tiny tummies…many damage because of their small curious hands…many nibbling on anything but their meals…copy books to buy, animal stuffed pencils to sharpen, dumb teachers to argue with as they just don’t get the kid!!

And we worry, we get scared…we wish them the best and fear from the passing breeze to harm them…we try our best to help them be good…be better…be best…anything but us…and everything that we are not…and all the things we couldn’t have.

WE set the rules and we pay days, brain cells and many nights so we can raise them…

Yet, Fact is…they raise us…

We behave better around them…we do our best for them…we stick to a healthy daily routine for them…we go out to make them happy…we work just to provide for them…we sleep when they are peacefully sleeping and wake whenever there’s anything bothering them…

Wo do our best to make a great home…we treasure the marriage…we get to know fellow parents…we invite more kids…we watch our language and our safety envronment…we think of their feelings…we listen to them with love…we celebrate them with pride…they are the goal and the award and the test.

They make us laugh and they caress our hands and they kiss our cheeks truthfully and devotedly when nothing else is guaranteed.

They speak their minds to give us a  wow moment and think: OH wow…we made this!

They forgive…completely.

They love…purely.

They are the warmth and the compassion…they feel us without one word…

Kids raise us…actually! 

(Inspired by Dino’s)

Job “Haunting”

I am job hunting…as you may know already if you’re already a reader of my blog.

The word job has turned into the logo of my everyday concerns and it is haunting me.

I realize though, that i am in a very rich life experement…I’m not trying to be a wise ass here but it’s true…When ever we rebel and ask for a unique place in this world it becomes challenging and it becomes a very rich experience…untill we settle again and the routine absorbs us into its cycle.

As semi-desperate as i am to get a job and turn with the previously mentioned cycle, as i am excited by what i am finding out…the exploration of things…new things that i go through.

Well, I think about the past, i re-evaluate my previous decisions, I reassess my basic expectations…stuff that i took for granted…and i went through my career and i see, now, how i acted from the very first day i took work seriously till now…

I have switched jobs…changed careers massivly…followed my heart…got paid a lot and got paid a few pounds…what all previous experiences had in common was that i had enormous fun working those jobs…they were all interactive…nothing was boring…i was always trying to be satisfied morally…to feel that i am affecting in a functional way…that i’m helping a company to attain unexpected profit or helping a kid getting proper psychological and educational treatment.

Reality hit me when i left two companies where i was paid highly and ranked even higher…I left because i thought it would degrade me to stay…I left because i couldn’t accept certain nastiness, it hit me afterwards when i went -connections free- to find a job in an uncomfortable zone…they judged me for a veil…or they wanted to pay less for more…or they mistakenly thought i was not fierce enough because of my domestic ordinary features…

And that actually challenged me more…i am now not simply job hunting…I am job hunting for a job that would recognize my abilities despite any silly judgment.

I realize everyone is free to believe what they want…and so am I…I won’t submit to others preferences…I will always submit to mine…and if I should like to change my views I will change them…this is my freedom…I decide…I never submit but to god…and out of love and true desire.

So…I will work through a hard path…I am willing to pause the whole big money and high rank thingy…I can work a simpler job that would give me satisfaction…I have no one to help me…and actually, now that things have turned the way they did, I prefer fighting the battle myself and feel an accomplishment -god willing- on my own.

Allah is kind…Allah is very kind and I know yet hope for more kindness…

Sometimes I think of good things i did where i’ve helped people who needed work or fought to promot who deserved a boost…I think of how i always found myself guiding others towards what would benefit them…I think of that and think that Allah will reward me with something good for the good i did…but then i realize how poor those thoughts are…because Allah never gives back…Allah gives from his own kindness and mercy…and the good we do we do it to clarify our hearts and spirits.

So, a proper “Job” will “haunt” me till i post about succeeding against all odds one day on this blog as well…

On a related yet different note, we should really post more positive posts…really!!

I’m mad at People!

This is a rant.

No, a burst.

Or whatever…

I am mad at people…some people i allowed to get close to me…and general people’s behavior. I am mad because frankly -with total sincere modesty- I am an added value to everyone i called “a loved one”.

I am fed up with people using my love and abusing it for their own humorous sadistic tendencies…I would care and love someone but that wouldn’t make me their door matt or call girl.

I am angry at their random meanness…their casual talteesh and cruel remarks…when I need support I should get it naturally from people who claim to love me, not get the mocking and the neglect of my needs.

I am provoked by their arrogant smile that speculates that they know of me more than what i am stating.

I am annoyed by the fact that they neglect what they already know about me, being an open straight forward person and treat me as if I’m hiding something while i’m really not hiding anything simply because I am not a coward…I face and fight if i have to.

I am irritated by their totally unnecessary tanaka…and it is unnecessary because I never batanek 3ala 7ad simply because i am too confident and too nice to abuse anyone to feel superior…and most importantly i wouldn’t do that to people I love.

I am furious at everybody who’d see me and notice signs that i am being tired, busy, sick, sleepless or burdened by life matters and automatically assume i have problems with my husband…well, I almost never lie and never act…and they being close would know if i have any problem in my marriage and facts are: 1) I am a responsible human being with many obligations at hand and life can be stressful and loaded at time. 2) My relationship with my husband has been doing great for a long time…so, bite it!!

I have had enough from being used to feed someone else’s gossip diet…Private people’s life is PRIVATE…not a TV show we can discuss with total strangers.

I am disappointed at people’s ability to hide and act as if they have no idea something has happened while they are being dumb liars.

I will not accept anyone attempting to take advantage of me, to stick around with an ultimatum or step all over me mistaking my kindness for weakness.

Whoever is willing to love me and treat me with utter respect just as I am is more than welcomed to be part of my heart and life…whoever refuses to recognize how proper and respectful and supportive relationships should be could really fuck off!!!

Good news is: Now that i am done with venting about people’s crap I’ve been facing…I can focus on my own with a clear vision and an honest spirit.

 

Even!

If life is a game, then the score is essential.

If karma is the real deal, then it’s important to count my deeds.

If what goes around comes around, then I better examine what I give and take carefully.

Well, a couple of days ago I lost a friend…

The very next day I ran into a childhood best friend that I lost track of several years ago…

I pay for my occasional self centeredness and my poor choices all the time.

I am fine with that.

Really, I am thankful.

Ladies…

From someone who have almost seen it all from a woman’s perspective, and from a woman who has been goofy most of her life…even about miseries, and from someone who has had a decent amount of hardships…ups and downs, and who has experienced what happiness is, what heart ache is and what delusions are…From someone who never accepted failure, and never stopped giving and never resented taking and never allowed herself to stop living even when the idea was so tempting, From myself i say to all the ladies out there:

Women are either bitches or moms!

And by a bitch i mean all that it is about selfishness, playfulness and materialism…the sort that has no boundaries and knows no shame…the sort that would seek a high on any cost…and would seek the lowest just for the kick of it.

And by a mom i mean all that it is about giving and cherishing and self-value…not necessarily a mother for a kid or two…but a woman who holds the secret of life in the value she holds for her self…the proud…the tender…the beautiful inside out…the devoted…the honest.

Between those types lie a third kind of women…the “don’t know who i am type”…the type that cherishes the mom in her yet acts like a bitch…and that type unfortunately contains most women…

And the reason i only stated two types in the bold notion above is: eventually the messed up type finds a final rest in one of two…the confused mommy bitch decides if she wants to settle for being a total bitch or an outstanding mom.

And women after they settle for the type they burn themselves up trying to be the best in it….at least the best they know how…

Bitches turn into the lowest trash on earth, they go around ruining homes, seducing men and abusing their own soul out of mere humanity.

While Moms turn into a big tree sheltering a huge amount of family and friends, feeding and feeling for everybody around her…settling for every body’s leftovers…and everybody’s’ spare time…

Is any of them happy?? Really happy???

Ladies, you don’t have to pick a category,not if you’re smart…you just need to choose to be happy…and happy doesn’t mean being the chick Open for every passing man nor the burnt out mom…You choose to be a happy woman…who would love  a man and nurture a kid if possible but never stop valuing herself nor neglecting it.

Be bold, pursue happiness…enjoy how special you are…practice your right to be free…free from choking cliches, free from the devastating sound in you…free from extremes…free from fake interpretations of safety and false means of happiness that would only hurts you more and more.

From someone who recently discovered that she lived most of her life delusional, someone who is doing everything she can think of to practice her humanity to the maximum by re-evaluating all the mistakes and is willing to do some more as long as she’s learning…Woman, Be a healthy happy adult*.

*For inspiration:

– Look up the term “healthy happy adult” in any psychology website.

– Listen to this and read very well those lyrics.

Epic Tears (recommended)

There is that type of tears…the one that doesn’t reflect pain…that doesn’t burn the cheeks…nor extract hurt and was inflicted by ache.

The type that cleans…the tear that you shed while having a smile trembling upon your lips.

The tears you taste and doesn’t push on self pity.

The tears we appreciate falling…the tears we treasure…the ones that aren’t from pressure.

But from the sweet sensation of a tender scene in a movie…

Or from achieving sweet bitter victory in an epic…

Or from seeing that love conquered all hardship…

Or from listening wholeheartedly to a revolutionary poem recites with fire…

Or from touching words of wisdom…

Or just mercy from Allah…

The tears you feel needed…

The sweet tears that rinse the soul and purify the heart…

Those tears…are a soft bat on the shoulder in hard times…

you know those tears…

Enjoy…

الخواجة لامبو العجوز مات فى اسبانيا – عبد الرحمن الابنودى

 

الضباب كان بات ليلتها ع القزاز
كانت القرية اللي مات فيها الخواجة لامبو

نايمة ع الجليد
..
في الصباح

اتحركت جوه المطابخ الصحون والخدامات

وابتدا الدق فى محلات الحديد
..
والمكاكية فى حظاير الدواجن
..
لبست الاطفال في ايد الامهات من غير عناد
..
«النهار ده عيد يا كاسبر

لما سمعت ندهة الديك من بعيد
..
ضحكت البنت اللي واقفة تشد في حبال الجرس جوه الكنيسة
..
طالع القسيس سعيد
..
بإيدو ينفض عبايتو م الجليد

كل اسبانيا بتصحى

عيد … وعادي .. والجديد

الخواجة لامبو مات

كانت القرية الي دايسه عليها اسبانيا .. ضلام من غير عيون
..
فلاحين فقرا .. بلا غيط .. او كانون
..
اسبانيين بس في شهادة الميلاد
..
يندغوا الاحزان مع كاس النبيت
..
انما
..
كان فيه كمان ناس اغنيا
..
ليهم بيوت ..ليها سقوف طايلة السما
..
ممتلية باللي اسبانيا فراغ منو .. ولامبو

لامبو .. كان شاعر مغني

يمشى والجيتار عشيقتو

يلمسو
..
يملا ليل اسبانيا بفصوص الاماني والاغاني البرتقاني

عمو لامبو قضى عمره في الحارات والخمارات
..
كان يغني للعيال المقروضين
..
كان يغني للارامل
..
والغلابا

والسكارى
..
السكارى اللي يعودوا من جحيم الحر .. في المنجم

السكارى اللي المحاجر حولتهم زيها

أزمة وحجارة
..
الجيتار يعشق زحام الاسطوات
..
والاغاني بتتولد في الغلبانين والغلبانات
..
عمو لامبو

قضي عمره في الحارات والخمارات
..
كان يحب الشمس
..
والناس
..
والغيطان
..
والجيتار
..
وقطتو
..
أول الناس اللي تحفظ غنوتو
..
كان يغني بألف صوت

يا قمر يابو عمر لسه

العباد ع الحانة كابسة
..
عاوزه تنسي ..عاوزه تنسي

والغناي لو يسكروا

يبقى لجل يفكروا
..
يسرقوا م المسروقين ؟؟

وجيتارو .. كان عجوز زيوتمام
..
انما .. لُه في الكلام
..
لامبو ما كان لوش سكن
..
والحياة في قريتو مالهاش تمن
..
قلب اسبانيا برونز
..
قلب اسبانيا صفيح
..
قلب اسبانيا عطن
..
برد اسبانيا مراكب اترمت فيها القلوع
..
واقفة في شطوط الزمن
..
كل أطفال البلد كانت تحبو

كلهم كانوا في يوم كورس للامبو

فوق جبينو

قريتو ..كانت بترمي ضل اسبانيا الغميق
..
وشو كان وش البلد

تبتسم .. يضحكلها

تزعل القرية ..اساه يصبغ خضار ورق الشجر

كان له قطة يعزها

واما كان البرد مرة يغزها
..
لامبو يضحك لما يرفعها ف ايديه .. ويهزها
..
ايه يا قطة ؟

يعني عيطنا أهه
..
انزلي
..
اجرى
..
حلاوتك ..يلا بينا ع العمل

ياغلابا
سيروا في الارض العريضة
….
والسعوا النسمة بطواحين الهوا

فيه في قلب الظلم حتة نجمة بيضا
..
العمل مش حاجة ضايعة في الهوا
..
برد اسبانيا استوى

لامبو كان نشوان وكل ما فيه مغني
..
وجيتارو بين ايديه
..
والعباد.. منتورة زي الفحم الاسمر حواليه

الشاويش دخل عليه
..
ايه يا اسبانيا يا بطن مافيهش عيش

هس.. بس

الضلام اللي في اسبانيا ظهر..
برم شنابات الشاويش

الشاويش صرخ في لامبو

لامبو خبى غنوتو الحمراء في عبو
..
بس ما رضيش يجي جنبو

والفانوس اللي في سقف الحارة المتعلق رعَش

الشاويش صرخ بقلبو

قلبو شايل كل دوسيهات الحكومة

لامبو ممنوع من اغاني الفقرا

غنى غير ده
..
الحكومة مش حمارة

لامبو بص علي السكاري
.
البرودة اللي في إيديهم جمدت كأس النبيت

لامبو دمَّع

الحياة .. عايزة جسارة
..
والخلايق عاوزة ابطالها يكون فيها جدارة
..
عايزه ابطالها في عز البرد مشحونة حرارة

الجيتارة.. واخده ع اللحن النضيف

الجيتارة
..
برضو بتنام ع الرصيف

برضو بتموت زيي علشان الرغيف

بس ليل اسبانيا في الزنزانة له شكلو المخيف
..
والبلاط.. والسقعة.. والعود النحيف
..
لا ما غنيش للفقير .. والسجن لا
..
لا أغني
..
لأ ما غنيش
..
بس انا راجل شريف

ايه يا اسبانيا يا سجن في كأس نبيت

آه.. وآه

لامبو من يومها وقولة آه .. غناه

قريتو لمتها آه
..
آه.. وآه.. والناس تردالآهة آه
..
الكفاح الحي اصبح آه.. وآه
..
ع الكفاح لو يتقلب علي شكل آه
..
والنهار ده لامبو مات
..
قتلو ليل اسبانيا في الليل ع الرصيف

قلبو كان لابس خفيف

قتلتو الآه
..
قتلتو في الحانة شنبات الشاويش
..
قتلتو الناس اللي غرقانة بهمومها في النبيت
..
قتلتو الدوسيهات في دواليب الحكومة
..
قتلو الطفل اللي مش لاقي الفطار

طلعت الناس النهار ده للكنيسة

لقوه جنب الجدار
..
قطتو جنب الجيتار
..
قاعدة مش شايفة النهار
..
في انتظار الليل… واسبانيا.. وشنابات الشاويش

لامبو مات
.
لامبو؟؟يا عيني.. وتبكي الطفلتين

يمسحوا دموعهم في ايد الامهات

في المناديل الجديدة

آخر الرحلة تموت يا لامبوعلى طرف الرصيف
.
وانت لو جالك فقير
..
كنت تشوي قلبك الطيب تحطولو في رغيف؟؟
!
قطتو توطي

عشان دمعتها ما تعملش ع الاسفلت صوت
..
لامبو مات

توصل الناس م الشوارع.. يا سلام

ده أنا سايبو وهو راجع؟ يا سلام

يدمعوا
..
يرسموا فوق الصدور علامات صليب

والجرس يتلوي في حبال الكنيسة

كان حزين .. حزين .. حزين

قتلو الحزن

يفرشو فوقو الجرايد

يركعوا الاطفال يرصو حوالين جسمو الورود

والدموع .. غيمة في عيون الوجود

يا حبيبي يا عمو لامبو
..
روحي يا ماما الكنيسة وسيبيني قاعدة جنبو

يا حبيبيي عم لامبو

امها تبكي وتاخذها من ايديها

مات شهيد

مات شهيد الليل في اسبانيا السجينة

مات .. وكان عاوز يعيش

غير شئ بس الظلم برَّم له شنابات الشاويش

الوداع يا عمو لامبو

الوداع يا قطتو المرمية جنبو

الوداع

عربية الاغراب شالوه زي الهوا

الودا….ع دق الجرس فوق الكنيسة

غنت الناس غنوتو

الضباب عمال يضيع

لجل يدي فرصة للشمس اللي حتزورالربيع