When darkness is seen as broad daylight
When harm is seen as sheer delight
When truths are only repeated lies
When myths reform into cries
Day dream all you want poor mind
you are alone, detained, collapsed yet can find,
sweet logic against a sort of madness, one of a kind
sweet reality…broken melody…echoes defined
you fall weak to your knees
can’t bear to stand, or run…you just freeze
can’t bring a stream to the scream to release
Ache and more ache pulse in ease
create a hurricane of words and tunes
swirling up to the seventh sky..forming dunes
lay onto the ground…magnify the ruins
sleep into the earth…restrain your doings
Madness will sink you down
Laughs will burn you up
Delusions will eat you alive
hurt will track your mind
crazy wishes can’t change them
million trials can’t bring them
crying and wallowing and giving can’t cure them
Madness is seeing the pit and choosing the fall
Madness is losing one bit what you know is whole
Madness is sewing the silkiness of a wall
Madness is you…loving…who can never be all
Madness is believing the lies and stall
Madness is forgiving sins and meeting run with crawl
Madness is giving big and never even taking small
Madness is desiring at night and by day appal
Madness is breaking airless rooms with a cry..a call
Madness is unpinning what you spent years to install
Madness is the GOOD you…out of control.
حَزَقَ الشىء..أى حاول إخراجه دفعاً الى الخارج بصعوبة
الشىء بقى اللى بيتحزق هو المحزوق…وجمع الشىء : أشياء …وجمع المحزوق: محزوقات
الحزق شىء طبيعى فى حياتنا…قد نحزق أشياء سيئة نود التخلص منها لنبرأ من ضررها زى “االكى كى” مثلاً…وقد نحزق أشياء جيدة “كالطفل الوليد” مثلاً لتنتهى فترة إعداده داخلياً وتبدأ حياته الفعلية
إنما مجازاً وفى الحياة اليومية الواحد بيمر بده أو بيشوف آخرين بيمروا بيه…أنا هنا أقصد التشبيه ومش بتكلم على زيارة الحمام
قد تحزقك فكرة جديدة فى العمل وتبقى مش عارف تقعد على بعضك عشان نفسك تطلع الفكرة ومديرك يوافق عليها فترتاح وتحس انك انجزت حاجة
وقد يحزقك رأى منيل فى حد او غيظ منه فتقعد ” تنفس” يمين وشمال بالتلميح والتصريح تمهيداً للحزقة الكبرى
وانا رأى ان لو حزقك اوى انك شايف نفسك “هايل” وشايف غيرك “خرى” وعايز تنطره…بسيطة من غير حزق وحرق دم وتلطيش…اعتبر انه جه قالك” انا خرى يا هايل” وبس…لكن تلسن عليه من ناحية وتقوله يا روح قلبى من الناحية التانية يحولك من حازق الى محزوق..
مشكلة المحزوقين فى محزوقاتهم انهم شايلين هم صك الغفران على طول
وانا ست لطيفة احب الناس تبقى حسه لطيف زى…لذا ، انا بقدم النهاردة عرض خاص…عندى عشرين صك غفران…اى حد عايز صك مكتوب فيه بخط بولد أندلسى مقاس 16: انت هايل يلا…وفلان:……خرى
أى نعم الصك مش حيمحى بلاويك ولا حيأكد بلاوى الناس اللى حزقاك انما مريح…حيريحك من الحزقة
بس بجد بقى اللى حاسس انه بيحزق كتير وعمال على بطال لازم يشوف علاج…لان الحزق المزمن ده يدل على مرض عضال…بينفخ الذات اوى فى الاتجاه الغلط…انا عارفة ان معظم المحزوقين بيبقى عندهم كبر متضخم وغالباً ده سبب حزقتهم….
أما عن المحزوقات الكويسة…الكلمات اللى فيها حب…الافكار المشجعة…النيات اللى فيها مصلحة الغير…دى بتبقى حالة لازملها ملين بسيط للشجاعة…الحب والتشجيع والمصلحة لازم تبقى حاجات سهلة التعامل معاها…لازم تخرج للنور…زى البيبى كده…لازم يتولد عشان يعيش ويسعد اهله ويفيد الدنيا بخيره
إذا…حكمة اليوم: محزوق؟ خُد مُلين
I love deeply but i don’t love much.
Most of the time i like people or dislike them…i rarely love them…i don’t usually invest deeper feelings, or to be more honest…i don’t allow myself to get attached.
But on the few occasions i do attach, i really and deeply and faithfully and devotedly care…to an extent that such very close friends or family become as essential to me as my kids or my mom…and with that depth comes a whole package…a package that was the main reason why i hardly allowed myself to get too close to someone.
I fear for my loved ones…i become protective…i become so uptight when it comes to their safety and well-being.
A choking kind of love i assume..well, at least to some.
Accordingly i get mad and lose my cool…my blood pressure hits the roof and anger shuts down my better judgment and steam comes out from every possible opening in my body.
I fail to maintain my generally nice attitude and sometimes i try to imagine how i must look like in one of those burst outs and i think positively that i turn from the angelic baby face teddy roosh to a devilish -thin lol- woman dressed in red leather and holding a huge fork in her hand while sticking out her claws.
I feel that either my anger would kill me or my love will do the job.
Of course if the bad way applies on my beloved friends and distant family, it maximizes upon my kids.
I love them with every fraction of a cell in my body and every fraction of my being…LOVE…i mean i would easily DIE for them…I want the BEST thing in this world for them…I can’t tolerate any form of harm to ever touch them…or ever be inflected by themselves.
Last night i freaked out when my kid explained coldly that he didn’t find enough time during the Quran exam to write two required Surahs…I thought: WHAT…my SON coldly LEFT TWO QUESTIONS and didn’t even feel bad about it…then, boommmm trrrrrrrakh brrrrrrrakh crrrrrrak!!
(of course the rational speech was delivered to him afterwards)
so, i am adding emotion control to my 2011 wish list.
Will cool down, contain myself, 7a7ot 3ala alby a zillion watt marawe7 and detach as much as i could.
May love revive me…not kill me.
I was puzzled and slightly sad of some reactions towards the current situation in egypt.
My emotions are totally stressed and inflamed so i won’t talk much but rather state my concern straight to the point.
On face book…on blogs…on twitter…some of you and some of your friends reacted in one or many of the following responses:
– a complete cold shoulder and ignoring the subject.
– saying: we have no business in the egyptian business…khaleena fe 7alna.
– mocking the situation…some insulted Egyptians calling the lame or copying Tunis.
– some gloated.
– some blamed their friends for taking a stand or showing heart and compassion to egyptian freedom.
It was hurtful and left me puzzled and asking myself why…
If it’s because the egyptian government played against their causes and screwed their countries, well…yeah it happened but it happened from the very government we are rebelling against…not from the people…on the contrary…when plastanians suffer from their internal situation on daily basis every egyptian support them and we cry blood instead of tears for them…during the Lebanon war and also for Iraq…egyptians demonstarted for them and we would watch the news and cry because we can’t help…and because our government is lame…so…guys around arab countries…egyptian epople was never an enemy…if it’s because you hate egyptian people lelah fe lelah…then ok, at least support freedom as a meaning…
Doesn’t it inspire you?
five years ago i received more than a 100 comment on my jeeran blog supporting me when i was in a painful personal situation!!
five weeks ago bloggers gathered from every country to celebrate the good old blogging days….and now…when millons of people are rebelling against corruption, brutality and injustice…people mention it shamefully or not support it at all.
Anyway…as sad as i am…I am also proud of my courageous friends who call me for support…take the heat from their friends when they speak highly of my revolution…or chose to have a stated opinion rather than a silent one!
I am fed up with the amount of dirt, the amount of moral contamination and the amount of dumb contradictions in life, that i really wish i could set fire in every nasty person i encounter.
But facebook, collected everything in life and symbolizes how deteriorated humans have become, especially in this country, right in front of our eyes.
Best thing about my page, although i deactivate it most of the time, is that there’s no one there but friends that i have known quite well.
and i have like 40 people all together…and i don’t accept random adds.
Wanna know what intrigued this angry post??
Well, take a look: i received an add request from some guy i don’t know…i opened his page to re-check if i knew him and i found this page and i left him a comment and of course declined the add:
The guy posts about and uses a full covered face veiled woman as his profile image.
The guy posts about no TV in ramadan, no smoking and about veil and women’s proper clothing from him -MESSED UP- point of view.
That pic. i have taken doesn’t show about 15 other women in underwear and/or sleeping on a bed half-naked.
I am fed up men “nagaset” eldemagh de…
If he was ordinary, without the veil picture, without the preaching i wouldn’t have gone mad…i am no nun nor a saint…i mess up like all people…but,
I freakin’ stopped preaching a long time ago honestly when i felt i wasn’t up to that standard.
What the hell is wrong with people?!
I write a story on my other blog about sex and how it affects men and women…i write about women being messed up by men and still chapters ahead i will write about men and how do they perceive the whole sexy mama’s things…as i know that sex occupies 70% if not even more from the male mind…and probably the female as well…
I know for a fact that polluted minds, diminished morals and sick souls take sex, that god creation for man kind to produce…well..and have fun…they take it and wreck houses, hurt people, and act like pigs.
I wrote about that many times and i will keep on writing as i can’t just lock up every male pants or put barbwire around every female pair of legs…all i can do is write…scream…and tell people to love and have fun but with purity, dignity and decency.
How hard could that be!!!!