I love the new season

I love how  new seasons from my favorite TV shows have started or are about to start.

It’s fall already and winter is around the corner and kids will be back to school next week…such TV routines compliment the school short days and long nights.

I love to follow the story line through a new phase…I love the routine of waiting for each new episode…I love how aspects of the characters unfold…How they change and why.

If you think “It is fiction for god’ sake”, I tell you that i agree…but i like it 🙂

I follow Grey’s anatomy, Dexter and The good wife…totally different types i know.

Today i watched the first episode of Grey’s anatomy season 7…It was bold…it showed severe changes in the main characters after a life changing dilemma that happened last season.

I won’t reveal the changes here, but i’ll definitely express my great satisfaction to some.

I felt familiar with the “change” as a concept hard to accept …i related to how change unravels essential needs in us…and how it is a major sign of maturity and learning.

And again, I admire the great friendship/ relationship between Meredeth and Christina…I am envious actually.

I related to the whole moral of the episode and it brought too many thoughts.

Change: something i did my best to escape from most of my life…the very first signs of change used to freak me out…i was always comforted by routine…till it choked me…till i grew to realize how change may mean maturity and wisdom…how it holds the correcting decisions that could actually save our lives…how it carries all the lessons and creativity gained after experiences…how it is essential to heal…to grow…to explore…to discover new or greater aspects within our soul…abilities strong enough to build new existences.

The weak who needs to be strong…the fierce who needs to attain delicacy…the chaotic who needs order…the wild who needs discipline…the sick who needs healing.

All those need change.

Change is a bliss…whether it was forced on us or by choice….whether it was a reaction to a catastrophic incident or a logic smooth turn of the tide.

Forced change or change after hardships is despised by almost everyone…but hey, it is the necessary obligation to learn new skills and master our talent to survive.

I grew to accept it…sometimes strive for it.

my only concern builds up when i look back at things i’ve done…trivials that were totally unnecessary and meaningless yet it affected my self esteem or true value…I then regret being so caught up in the corn flakes of life.

I regret doing the small mistakes…mistakes that changed how i look in the eyes of some or how i really wanted to feel or how i communicate with others or distorted who i really am…mistakes that changed me briefly yet affected me deeply.

Even the little things make me bitter for how senseless i was as a time…you know, people i shouldn’t have known…roads i shouldn’t have taken…cigarettes i shouldn’t have smoked…styles i shouldn’t have dressed…the whole “i wanna appear” mode…the painful “i wanna be loved” seizures…the disgusting “i wanna be THE WOMAN” tantrum…the tiniest of things manage to be a thorn in my throat now when i look back at how i poorly behaved…

and yes, that is because i am done with blaming every living soul for my misfortunes (to say the least).

The vicious circle called “It’s because of what he/she did to me”…the disabling pity hole called blame…it ate me alive for years i tell you…and i couldn’t progress one single step ahead until i admitted that i may not be responsible for my childhood mess, but i am damn responsible for every single step i’ve taken since i grew up…and it is my mess i need to clear the most…not anyone else’s inflicted shit.

I am doing my very best not to take off the safety helmet again…i am doing my best to change positively.

I am really hopeful these days…

I am really in need to pray and in need of prayers.

and i realize how long/hard a post that is regarding TV shows…i am laughing ahoh 😀